Guest author Donald R. Dempsey: review of Betty's Child, Q&A, and giveaway

I am honored to host author Donald R. Dempsey during his WOW-Women On Writing blog tour. His memoir, Betty’s Child (Dream of Things, March 2013) is the story of one young man’s ordeals with poverty, religion, physical and mental abuse, maternal insanity, and the dire need for confidence and direction as he attempts to come of age. Here’s what three noted reviewers had to say. 

“Heartrending and humorous. In scene after vivid scene, Dempsey presents his inspiring true story with accomplished style. Dempsey’s discipline as a writer lends the real-life tale the feel of a fictional page-turner.” Kirkus Reviews

”Honest and raw, yet full of humor, pathos, and no-holds-barred dialogue. Fasten your seat belt and get ready for a roller coaster ride. Highly recommended.” Dr. Alan Gettis, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and author of The Happiness Solution

”This memoir is for everyone who has ever known someone abandoned, someone unloved, someone with barriers that seem impenetrable. With wit and delicacy, Dempsey exposes wounds that we would prefer to ignore, without ever pushing the reader away with any sense of melodrama. A truly unforgettable memoir.” San Francisco Book Review

My Review

Here's my review of Betty’s Child. My rating is five out of five stars.

Donny is a runner, a record-breaking runner, and for a reason. He needs to run fast to get away from his abusive and criminal mother and the battery of her various sexual partners, his impoverished and crime-ridden home and neighborhood, and his gangster neighbors who want to lure him into their lawless lives.

From the outset it looks like Donny’s story is so bleak, so horrific that there is no way he’ll ever survive and come out whole. Yet along the way, he is lucky. Church members urge him join them in finding God, a young friend shows him what a normal home life looks like, wise old men he works for treat him like a grandson, and he doesn’t succumb to any stray bullets. Also that he is athletic, smart, and an innately good person helps.

Donald Dempsey tells the story of his early life in minute detail and with such a naturally precocious voice that he drew me in immediately. Every word of this book matters; every scene lends itself to the whole, every horrific heart-stopping event kept me turning the pages. Let it suffice to say, I had never heard about some of the things Dempsey describes, yet his writing made me believe every aspect. Even as each event went from bad to worse, he convinced me that he would obtain, through his wits, smart-ass mouth, sheer brute force, and fast running, a wholesome and normal life someday. 

By the time I got to the last page, I know Donny has survived and gone on to have a normal life with a wife and family. But, now I want Dempsey to tell me how. I want to know what happened to his stepbrothers whom he cared for much of his young life. I want to know about his school years, marriage, family, and work life. And I want to know how he knew he had to write his story.

I urge you to read this book. It is inspiring for anyone who has had to bear tragic and horrendous events in their lives. Then I urge you to wait with me for a sequel.

Q & A with Donald Dempsey

And while we wait, Don was kind enough to answer some of my questions right away.

Madeline: You were abused and neglected as a child. How did you survive?

Don: I was very fortunate. When you live in an impoverished area you’re basically rolling the dice every day. Violent crime is the norm. Say the wrong thing... Happen to be in the wrong place... A stray bullet... The environment actually breeds the criminal. I like to call it the stepping over the body chalk syndrome.

Madeline: You have two younger brothers. What was it like being the oldest and trying to look out for them?

Don: I can’t really answer this question very well. My behavior was instinctive. I somehow knew my mother lacked the protective traits most mothers possess. She could, and often did, leave us wherever and with whoever was convenient. When we were old enough to rebel and no longer the hungry pliable tools she used to plead for sympathy, she was eager to be rid of us.

Madeline: Several people tried to help you…a youth minister…a coach at your school. Were they of any help?

Don: Most definitely. Certain phrases and actions of many people in my life have become ingrained parts of who I am. I consider this my greatest strength. I had very little guidance or direction. I closely studied those who had what I believed I wanted, and imitated everything about them I could.

Madeline: How did a childhood of abuse and neglect affect you as an adult?

Don: I’m very untrusting by nature, and I internalize way too much. I work way too many hours, worry and fret myself into a lather two or three times a week, prefer to tend to my own business and avoid others, and rarely sleep through the night. Other than that I’m pretty normal.

Madeline: Why did you write Betty’s Child?

Don: I had so much roiling around inside me about those years…I just wanted to let some of it out. Once I started writing, the book actually wrote itself…took on a mind of its own. But I’m glad it did, because the story in those pages is much better than the anger and chaos I released.

Madeline: Who should read Betty’s Child? 

Don: Anyone looking for some perspective when dealing with pain or loss.

Madeline: Have your experiences made you a better husband or a better father?

Don: I hope so. I’ve tried so hard not to pass on any of the life I endured. My wife had to suffer through the bad tempers of my younger years, and I pushed my oldest son too much in a foolish effort to mold him into something that proved to the world what I felt I was worth. I like to think that with the passing of the years I eventually managed to become something akin to what I should’ve been if raised properly. I’m fairly good with who I am now.

Madeline: Thank you, Don, for being here today and giving us such candid answers.

Synopsis of Betty’s Child

Donny Davis is struggling to coexist with his mother, a single woman who moves from place to place, always just a step ahead of the law, scamming churches, and running bad checks. She has already been incarcerated for these self-same illegal activities, but refuses to alter her lifestyle; a lifestyle that includes bringing home men she knows little or nothing about. One of these men eventually assaults Donny. He feels trapped, as his mother makes excuses for her boyfriend's actions, but he fears more for his younger brothers than he does for himself. Scarred and sullen, Donny shamefully attends the church his mother is scamming. He stays silent, but something within him begins to rise up, and his youthful indignation swells to an outright full rebellion. As his life with his mother grows ever more fraught with peril, Donny's world begins to completely unravel. His beloved dog is taken from him. One of his younger brothers is brutally attacked. He loses the few friends he has when the family is moved by the church they attended. And then, the very pastor who has control of them begins to accuse him of his mother's sins. 

About the Author

Donald Dempsey experienced childhood abuse and neglect first hand, but went on to have a fulfilling family life as an adult and to own his own business. "If you're lucky, you make it to adulthood in one piece," says Don. "But there's no guarantee the rest of your life is going to be any better. Abused kids are often plagued by fear and insecurity. They battle depression and have trouble with relationships. In the worst cases, abused children perpetuate the cycle." But Don is living proof that you can overcome a childhood of abuse and neglect. "You start by letting go of as much of the guilt (yes, abused kids feel guilty) and as many of the bad memories as possible. At the same time, you hold on to the things that helped you survive. For me, it was the belief that you can make life better by working at it and earning it. It helps to have a sense of humor, too." Find out more about the author by visiting him online: 

Betty's Child website: www.BettysChild.com and Donald Dempsey Facebook: www.facebook.com/donald.dempsey.3

Book Giveaway: If you would like to enter for a chance to win a copy of Betty’s Child by Donald Dempsey, simply leave a comment at the bottom of this post. If you are reading this anywhere other than here on this blog , such as on Facebook, in an email, or on Goodreads, please go over to my blog, Choices. Only comments left here will be entered into the giveaway. The deadline for this contest is Wednesday, July 31, 2013, at noon. The winner, chosen using Random Draw, will be contacted privately via email. I will also announce the winner in a blog post here after the contest is over.

Betty's Child is available at Amazon.

I have to brag

Emma, one of the three founders of the blog Book Geeks Unite, posted this review of Leaving the Hall Light On. It's so awesome, I have to share it.

"Madeline Sharples’ Leaving the Hall Light On chronicles one woman’s challenges, grief and ultimately her healing as she and her family battle one son’s seven-year struggle with bipolar disorder and his untimely death by suicide.   As I was searching for words to describe this book (words usually come easy to me), I could not find them.  What to say about this book?  Where are my words?  Can you say you enjoyed a book about a mother’s grief over her son’s death?  Not just his death, his suicide?  I cannot say I enjoyed reading about her pain.  What I can say is that this book completely engulfed my emotions.   There were several times while reading, I realized I was not breathing.  I had to remind myself to breathe.  I realized that is a sign that I am “in” the book.  The author had somehow allowed me in.  I realized she had written me into her thoughts and emotions and had allowed me access to her experiences.  I realized the images in the book were haunting me…the beautiful little boy, the handsome young man, the beautiful family of four, and then the family of three.  Then, I found my words.  This book is poetic.  It is honest.  It is raw.  It is real.  Mrs. Sharples has, in my opinion, poured her soul, in the form of ink, onto paper and decided to share it with the world.

"If you have ever been touched my bipolar disorder and/or suicide, this book is a must read.  

"If you’ve been touched by any mental illness, this book is a must read.  

"Even if you haven’t been touched by any of these things, this book will empower you to overcome any tragedies you’ll ever endure and inspire you to recover."   ~ Emma

Also please go over to her site, Book Geeks Unite, and enter to win either a signed paperback or an electronic copy (the giveaway ends at 11:00 am PST). And if you've read my book, please write your own review. I'd love to know your thoughts.

New book reviews

An author loves to get notes from readers. I've gotten quite a few since my book was released in May 2011, for which I am very grateful. 

I was so taken by the one I recently received that I have to share it with you here:

“I just finished Leaving the Hall Light On this morning. I wrote my review on here and Amazon. As a published author I know how fulfilling it is to receive feedback from readers. I write you this message today because I would request that you read my review. I am a writer, nurse, mother, and wife who suffers with Bipolar 1 disorder. I would like for you to know that I felt Paul's soul in the core of my bones. I know intimately the feeling of quietly walking down the hallway as to not disturb my loved ones, locking the bathroom door, and making the decision to end my life. As I sit here this afternoon writing this message I struggle to stay out of the bathroom today. I began reading the book through the eyes of someone who suffers from mental illness, but finished the book with a new understanding of the loved ones who have to fight the battle by our side. I appreciate that you dedicated the bench in Paul's name. That was so thoughtful. I also thought that it was wonderful that his legacy lives on through the names of his cousins. What a wonderful way to celebrate his life. I cried when I read how you were shunned by your friends. I was cheering when you wrote how you found new friends who cared and was willing to invest in your experiences. I wish your family happiness and peace. I hope Ben has many grandchildren for you to enjoy. :) Paul's life was something to be greatly celebrated. He was a talented music creator, a loving son (even though it was hard to see sometimes), and a man who wanted to o find the light in the darkness, but unfortunately lost the bipolar battle. Please know that I know the feelings he was experiencing as he made the decision to lay in the bathtub. It was nothing you or your husband did. It's a chilling pain that suffocates us with the thought of loss. Loss of stability, loss of normal, loss of loves, and loss of independence. The destiny for many of us is a life full of living as ghosts. We fight the need to die and in the end die as we live. I thank you for taking the time to read this message and hope you have a wonderful evening.”

 * * *

And I am thrilled that one of my writing teachers, Barbara Abercrombie, took the time to read and post her lovely review of Leaving the Hall Light On, on her blog, Writing Time - where she provides reading lists, creative writing exercises, and nurturing for the writing community.

I had the pleasure of taking an essay workshop with her a couple of years ago through the Writers’ Program at UCLA Extension. Barbara has published novels, memoir, books for children and numerous personal essays and articles.  Her latest book is: A Year of Writing Dangerously: 365 Days of Inspiration and Encouragement (New World Library, June 2012). 

Barbara wrote:

“Leaving the Hall Light On by Madeline Sharples is a memoir about the most wrenching subject possible – the suicide of her son after his seven-year struggle with bipolar disorder. I have to admit I put off reading this for awhile because of the subject, but Madeline's tone is so direct, honest, and lacking in self-pity, and the narrative, even though you know what's going to happen, is so compelling and gripping, that it turns into a book you don't want to put down once you start reading. It's also the story of how a family survives this tragedy, how Madeline saves herself and finds a balance of keeping her son's memory alive yet moving on in her own life. The ending is beautiful: her other son's wedding eleven years later.”

String Bridge - review and author interview

I recently had the great pleasure to read Jessica Bell's debut novel String Bridge. And I happily gave it a well-deserved five out of five stars. 

From the outside it would appear Melody Hill, the main character and narrator of Jessica Bell’s debut novel, String Bridge, has a perfect life. She lives in Athens with her charming Greek music promoter husband, she has an adorably precocious daughter, and she has a dream job as an editor for a publishing company with a promotion and raise in the offing.

But getting deeper into her story, the reader finds what’s hidden behind this façade and her wanting-to-please-everyone persona. She is frightened by her husband’s abusive yelling and mortified at finding out he has had an affair. She is suffering from the effects of her mother’s erratic bipolar behavior and worries that she is bipolar herself. She is constantly searching for help from her silent but loving father. And she regrets giving up her music career for a life that she can hardly bear anymore.

That author Bell is a poet is evident through her use of metaphors, rhyme, and repetition. As I said in my review of her book of poetry, Twisted Velvet Chain, Bell is “a genius at portraying the raw and the dark parts of life through her use of clipped lines, staccatos, onomatopoeia, and descriptions of icky body fluids.”

In String Bridge she describes a character sometimes so disheveled that she wears unmatched shoes to work, she doesn’t wash off yesterday’s smeared makeup or bother to separate whites from darks in the washing machine, and her buttons pop off her dress during a public speech. Melody always seems to be cleaning up jammy fingers or other messes. Bell excels in showing life’s little details.

This is a novel that has it all: regret, romance, sex, desire, guilt, an adorable child, a bumpy marriage, mental illness, a devastating tragedy, and the promise of a live-happily- ever-after-ending. But, that ending doesn’t negate the ever-increasing struggle to get there. String Bridge is a wonderful read, well worth going through the struggle to find out what happens to Melody Hill and her family in the end.

And I also had the opportunity to ask Jessica a few questions about her writing life. 

1.   Describe your writing work day.

To be honest, I don’t actually have one. You know that writing rule, that many an established writer preaches, “If you want to be a successful writer, you need to write every day”? I don’t live by it. I don’t even allocate specific hours. When I have time and feel inspired, I write. I think it’s perhaps because I write slowly and edit as I go. I can’t move on unless I’m satisfied with what I’ve written. It’s just my way. And it works for me. I’m now on to my third novel. Yes, it takes me about a year to finish that “first draft,” and then another year to revise, but my first drafts are more like the quality of a second draft when I’m finished with them. So I don’t mind being slow.

2.   WOW, a third novel already. Do you also have a day job?

Yes. I’m a freelance English Language Teaching text book writer and editor. I’ve collaborated with Macmillan Education, Pearson Education, Cengage Learning, Hellenic American Union (HAU) and Education First. The latest book I’ve written is Build Up Your Writing Skills: for the ECCE, published by HAU.

3.   Did you have other careers besides writing and playing music?

Well, actually, yes, and I still do it. Every now and again I do voiceovers for books, multimedia and toy companies.

4.   You are so busy. Plus I am very impressed with all you accomplished with your blog tour. How did you arrange it? 

Luckily I already had an established blog and have made so many wonderful friends through it. All I did was create an online form for people to sign up. In two weeks I had more than 90 blogs wanting to participate. Never underestimate the power of the social networking!

5.   I'm definitely going to use your example in arranging my next tour. By the way, I love your book of poetry, Twisted Velvet Chain. Is String Bridge your first traditionally published work? 

It’s my first published novel, yes. But I’ve had various poems and short stories published in anthologies and literary magazines.

6.   How did you find your publisher? Lucky Press also published my memoir Leaving the Hall Light On and I couldn't be happier.

I actually found Lucky Press online when I was searching for a Small Press to submit to. I couldn’t believe it when I found their website. I just knew we would be a perfect fit. Looks like my instincts were right.

7.   I felt the same way after I found Lucky Press. We're so lucky to have connected with it  and each other. So, what other ways are you putting the Internet to work to promote your book?

Other than keeping my blog and website up-to-date, I’ve started a website dedicated to String Bridge. (www.stringbridge.com) Here readers will find book reviews, lyrics, and be able to listen to samples of the soundtrack and purchase it as well. I’ve also signed up with Bridge Social Media, a company dedicated to marketing authors and their work on all sorts of social media.

Thanks so much, Jessica. I'm indeed impressed. The only advice I have for you is: Keep Writing (which I already know you're doing).

If you are convinced from what you've read here to buy her book, here are some ways to do it and some ways to contact Jessica.

Book:

Amazon US: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0984631747

Amazon UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0984631747

Barnes & Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/string-bridge-jessica-bell/1100176600

Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/11502954-string-bridge

Album:

iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/melody-hill-on-the-other-side/id465313522

Amazon US: http://www.amazon.com/Melody-Hill-Other-Side/dp/B005P7ARNS/

Amazon UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Melody-Hill-Other-Side/dp/B005P7G02A/

email: jessica.carmen.bell@gmail.com
website: http://www.jessicacbell.com/
String Bridge (a novel): http://www.stringbridge.com/

retreat & workshop site: http://hwrw.blogspot.com/

blog: http://thealliterativeallomorph.blogspot.com/

facebook: http://www.facebook.com/author.jessica.bell

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/MsBessieBell