I think I’ve found a soul
mate in Judy L. Mandel, author of Replacement
Child – a memoir (Seal Press/Perseus, March, 2013). Like I, Judy reinvented
herself from a writer in the corporate world to a creative Writer in the last
several years. So I thank WOW! Women on Writing for inviting me to host Judy on Choices and introducing me to her heartfelt and well-received memoir.
Here’s what Judy has to say about how she found out exactly
what she should do with her life.
Switching Gears to a Writer’s Life
They say that when you
find out what you should be doing with your life, you will have already been
doing it. At least someone said that to me once. Which always confused the hell
out of me. But, now, finally it makes sense.
I was always a writer,
although now the title seems to be written with a capital “W” instead of a
small one. For many years, I wrote about other people’s lives, or a company’s
products. As a newspaper reporter, I found interesting stories for
features—because I hated writing police reports and attending long town hall
meetings. The hours were terrible, and I left to work in public relations,
advertising and later, corporate marketing, thinking the stress would be less.
Not so much.
It was good though. As a
single mother for several years, the stability of my corporate gig helped me
provide for my son and myself, buy a home, and keep him in mac and cheese. I
liked a lot about the work; the spurts of creativity it allowed, and some of
the great friends I met. But, the workaday world in an office, with the
undercurrent politics that I had no stomach to manipulate, scraped me raw.
When I was downsized, or
right sized, or whatever they were calling it that year—I took the opportunity
to run fast. My son was grown and in college, and I had figured out how to
provide that for him. I was married again and begged my husband for a reprieve.
“Don’t
make me go back there!” I may have groveled at his feet.
I wrote up a business plan
for my own marketing firm and built a roster of clients over the next
year—continuing the same kind of work I had done for the last 20 years. But, my
resolve shifted the year both my parents died within seven months of each
other. There is something about being slapped with your own mortality that
makes you take stock of your life and re-evaluate how you are spending your
precious days, now that I knew for sure they were limited. I wasn’t sure that
selling insurance products or the latest risk management technology was the
only legacy I wanted.
Then, there was the matter
of the story. The one my parents had wanted me to tell, about the plane
crashing into their home, killing their seven-year-old daughter, and nearly
killing their two-year-old girl. This was the defining story of my family, and
the accident that happened before I was born was mythic to me. My mission was
clear from the day I said my final goodbye to my mother; to tell their story of
recovery from losing their child, seeing their other daughter through years of
surgery and rehabilitation, and also having the hope to bring another child
into the world. That would be me. I would write for two years; researching the
crash, the faces of grief for the loss of a child, before I would come upon the
term “replacement child” which changed the focus of the work.
Through the four years it
took to write the book, I learned that I loved being in the midst of a writing
project. Waking up each day with a goal to write a few good pages, or edit
yesterday’s work, was the kind of adrenaline I used to seek from jumping out of
airplanes or skiing (badly). Mostly, it got me out of bed early, and working
late into the night at times. I cried at some memories, at my mother’s voice in
my head, or the vision of my father’s eyes. Yes, it was a healing
journey—cathartic in a way. But, I cringe at those proclamations—hoping my work
achieves more than that.
In an effort to find a
publishing home for Replacement Child,
I attended several writing conferences and workshops and got hooked on being in
a community of writers. It seemed to nourish a part of me that had been
neglected. So, I applied for an MFA program and started going back to school in
my fifties. Now, I am a fully committed and admitted writer-aholic. I can’t
stop. I’m trying my hand at essays, short stories and even plays. The best part
is that I don’t hesitate anymore when someone asks what I do, but proudly tell
them, “I’m a writer.”
About Replacement
Child – a memoir
Judy Mandel is the replacement child for her sister who
was killed in a tragic accident. It would be years before she would understand
how the event, that happened before she was born, shaped her life.
A plane crashes into a family’s home. A two-year-old
girl is critically burned and a mother is forced to make an impossible choice.
The death of a child leaves a hole in the family that threatens to tear it
apart.
In a great act of hope, the
parents give birth to a "replacement child," born to heal wounds and
provide a "salve for the burns." The child unwittingly plays her role
throughout childhood, riding the deep and hidden currents of the family
tragedy.
In this powerful story of
love and lies, hope and forgiveness, Judy Mandel discovers the truth that
changes her life forever and forces her to confront the complex layers of her
relationships with her father, mother, and sister. When she has her own child,
her epiphany comes full circle.
And what Publisher’s
Weekly says about Replacement Child
"In this well-researched tribute to her parents,
journalist Mandel explores how a freak accident altered the fate of her family
in 1952. What began as a normal January school day ended with the crash of
American Airlines Flight 6780 into the Mandel family home in Elizabeth, New
Jersey, three miles outside Newark airport. In addition to the oldest Mandel
daughter, the pilot and all 22 passengers died that day. Following the recent
loss of her parents, the author decides to piece together the event that
incinerated one sister, left another sister severely burned, and prompted her
conception as a "replacement" child. By cleverly shifting between
recent years and the day of the crash, Mandel weaves together chapters of real
and imagined scenes building to the inevitable. "I read that replacement
children often feel they can never live up to the memory of the dead children.
I recognize myself in some of the descriptions of those with this
affliction." Without seeking to give a greater significance to the issue,
the book grapples with the random forces that shape modern life. The parents
who survive and overcome the death of a child emerge as true heroes,
celebrating family birthdays and, eventually, becoming grandparents."
About the author
Judy L. Mandel made her
living as a marketing professional for over 20 years before writing her first
book, Replacement Child. She grew up
in New Jersey, but when she went to college in Connecticut, she knew she had
found her home.
Her writing life began as
a newspaper reporter. She later worked in public relations and advertising and
somehow found herself in corporate communications at various insurance
companies. Her memoir grew out of early essays and the promise she made to her
family to tell their story.
Judy now balances her
business writing for clients with writing fiction, nonfiction, and articles.
Follow Judy on:
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Facebook:
Her blog:
Her book site:
Replacement Child is available at: Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and IndieBound
