Sunday, December 9, 2007

The rude drivers' rant...

I've heard a new song on the radio lately about a 90 pound woman driving her SUV while talking on her cell phone and totally oblivious about what's going on around her. I can totally relate. I get so annoyed when people driving SUVs butt in or think just because they're in a big car they can over power us folks in the little ones.

I wrote a rude drivers' rant a while ago -- here it is:

Who Do They Think They Are: Rude Driver Rant

I’m inching my way to the street,
looking out for the cars coming at me,
and then there’s one –
there’s always at least one –
that makes a turn into the street I’m coming out of
without a warning
“A simple little turn signal – what is so hard about that – would have allowed me to go,”
I’m hissing under my breath.
But no. I’m still stuck
and that person is meandering happily down the street.

Those are the too busy to flick the turn signal on kind of drivers.
They start slowing down and edging over to the right,
and I’m thinking,
“What the hell is that guy going to do?”
Without warning the car turns right
and I’m left braking to save my life
with the guy on my tail
practically rear ending me in the process.

Now, I’m not one of those guys who gets red-faced,
ready to flip someone off at every provocation,
but one of these days – one of these days.

There’s also the cell-phone talker, hands-free driver
who pays no attention whatsoever
to anything around,
weaving from side to side in their lane,
hovering into my lane,
almost sideswiping me on the way,
most of the time with no hands on the steering wheel.
But, there’s no stopping that behavior

Well, let’s just think about it
What if all cell phones in cars were banned.
Can you imagine what kind of uproar that would cause?

What about the red light doesn’t mean me kind of driver?
Especially the ones who are creeping along
in front of you and then at the last minute sprint through the light,
leaving you to wait until it changes green again.
Where’s my gun? At that point I’m ready to kill.

But, red light lawbreakers are about to get their comeuppance.
Cops don’t have to be out on the streets anymore
They can be out for coffee
or giving some old lady a ticket for driving too slow
or better yet ticketing a jaywalker.
Now there are little hidden cameras at intersections
to take your picture just as you are in the act.

There’s also:
the slow driver
the fast driver
the tailgater
the ones who take cuts into the through traffic lane
from the right-hand only lane,
people who think they can butt in anywhere they want
just because they drive a SUV,
the ones who park their huge trucks and SUVs
in the compact parking places
leaving no visibility for the rest us.

Another of my piss offs is the hand waver.

Just the other day I started to turn
into a one-way driveway to mail a letter
and a car comes out
almost ramming into me
obviously going in the wrong direction.
The lady gives me a little wave and a shrug like,
“I really didn’t mean it,”
Really didn’t mean it?
Then why did you do it?
Thought you’d get away with it, didn’t cha?

And, what is with that little wave, anyway?

I do a lot of walking around my town,
I wait at cross walks until it’s my turn,
I’m a good citizen I wait my turn
I obey the rules
I don’t want to get killed
So I wait my turn
and just when I get the little walking symbol on the street light,
and I’m stepping off the curb
someone does a quick right turn
with that little old “I didn’t mean it” wave
as if she were the Pope
absolving us of all our earthly sins
and nearly runs me over.


Anonymous said...

Hi Mom! Thanks for your Rude Drivers Rant piece. It's great. Made me laugh, and I can totally relate. Love you:) - Ben

madeline40 said...

I'm glad you read it. Thanks for your comment.