Friday, September 12, 2008

No, I didn't need a fresh house!

Many people said we needed to move after Paul killed himself in our house -- too many bad memories, you need a "fresh" house, they said. What they didn't understand was there were memories both good and bad in our house and memories both good and bad everywhere else. I couldn't even escape at the gym -- the place I go to most often as an escape.

Riding It Out

I sat on the saddle
Spinning the wheels
Of the stationery bike
I leaned over the handlebars
Elbows bent, head down
Peddling in time to U2.

“Ride it out,” the instructor said
“Ride it out for 30 seconds.”

The police said
Thirty seconds is
How long it took for
Paul to die after
He cut his throat.
Thirty painless seconds.

I don’t believe it.
How could it be painless?
Could it be less painless
Than the pain of his illness?

Thirty seconds and no more pain.

Was he awake?
Was he thinking?
Was he listening to the music in his head?
Was he riding it out?

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