Please welcome Sherrey Meyer

I am thrilled to have Sherrey Meyer here as my guest today. She echoes my thoughts about the benefits of writing to heal, and provides Dr. Pennebaker's proof that it is so. Yes, for me writing is a way to put my pain on the page. It is a soothing balm. What do you think?

Benefits of Writing Your Story by Sherrey Meyer

In 2001, when my mother died, the story of our lives together had traversed many years and battled many storms.  Yet at the end, something unusual and unexpected happened.  I tucked that memory away knowing it was possibly the core for a memoir.  When I retired in 2006, I remembered how often I had said, “When I have time, I want to write a book.”

Little did I know when I began accumulating my memories on the computer and sorting through family photos the benefit writing this story would give.  Never had it occurred to me that writing could be a restorative, healing process.

With each word typed, I felt changes taking place.  The invisible scars created by years of verbal and emotional abuse seemed to loosen.  Old hurts seemed to soften despite the painful process of remembering.

I am not here to tell you that writing memoir is easy.  It isn’t.  Writing your own story may dredge up painful memories.  Alternatively, writing your story will likely be cathartic.

Stop and think about the pain felt due to a bad burn.  The immediate remedies may not bring much comfort, but soon each application of salve is more soothing.  Writing out painful memories can be like a balm to your soul.

Writing soothes and heals by extracting those memories from your inner being and on the computer or paper.  No longer do those bad memories live in you.  You have moved them to another place and time outside yourself.  Again, this doesn’t mean the pain will stop completely or quickly.  I still have moments when something reminds me of a painful incident.  Now, however, I go and jot it down somewhere.

For me, I also found a letter writing exercise to be immensely helpful.  As part of my memoir, I have written letters to my mother.  In cases of abuse of any type involving a child, the child has no voice.  To express oneself in these circumstances to the adult inflicting the abuse generally only begs further abuses.  In my life, it was verbal and emotional abuse on the part of my mother and speaking to it only made her angrier at my attempt to stop her abuse.

Writing letters has given my inner child and the child abused a voice.  The letters have allowed me to express feelings I suppressed along the way during my childhood, youth, young adult and even middle years before my mother died.  For an example of these letters, you can find them here.

Now, I am not an expert on this topic.  When I came to the realization that writing was truly helping to heal painful memories and hurts, I began reading about the subject.  I discovered James W. Pennebaker who is an expert on this topic.

Dr. Pennebaker, a professor in the Department of Psychology at The University of Texas at Austin and author of several books, including Opening Up and Writing to Heal, is a pioneer in the study of using expressive writing as a route to healing. 

Dr. Pennebaker’s research has shown that short periods of writing benefit those facing terminal illness, victims of violent crimes, and even the first-year college student transitioning into a new life style.  Following are some of Dr. Pennebaker’s exercises and a quote:

Using Dr. Pennebaker’s books, exercises and research results can help the writer struggling with difficult and/or painful memories to work through those to some level of healing.

Personally, I have found Dr. Pennebaker’s methods extremely useful and highly recommend reading more about his work here and here. 

The more I write my story the stronger the benefit becomes.  My memories become less painful, the hurts less real than before.  I cannot say that I will ever forget completely the difficulties of my early life, but I do know that I am more equipped to deal with any recurring memories for having gone through the exercise of writing.

Perhaps you are toying with the idea of writing but aren’t sure about such an attempt.  Consider practicing journaling first.  What better place to right your innermost thoughts and feelings than in a journal.  Then, if you do decide you want to write that book, your journal provides the perfect resource for your writing.

Another consideration is enrolling in a writing class or workshop where you can write your feelings as part of assignments or exercises.  Many community colleges and community centers offer writing classes at no charge or for minimal fees.  Anything to start writing to see if it is the mechanism by which you can begin to heal from your hurt and pain.

Not everything I’ve mentioned works for everybody.  You have to find your niche.  That being said, however, I do highly recommend visiting the sites above for more information on Dr. Pennebaker’s research and his writings.

In addition to Dr. Pennebaker’s books, here is a short list of other books available on writing to heal:

• Writing as a Way of Healing by Louise DeSalvo
• Writing to Heal the Soul by Susan Zimmerman
• Memoir Revolution by Jerry Waxler
• The Power of Memoir by Linda Joy Myers
• Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg and Judith Guest

Here’s your takeaway for today.  Some benefits of writing your story may be:

• Improved health, emotionally and/or physically.
• Improved immune system.
• Improved working memory.
• Improved social connections.
• Ability to check your situation.
• Manageability of situation improves.

All these benefits are available to you in exchange for the written word.

Sherrey, thank you so much for these wise words and wonderful resources. And I so look forward to reading your memoir soon. In the meantime, please read her blogs: Healing by Writing and Found Between the Covers. Sherrey is very prolific and generous with her writing advice and book review.

Sherrey's Bio

A retired legal secretary, Sherrey Meyer grew tired of drafting and revising pleadings and legal documents.  She had always dreamed of writing something else, anything else!  Once she retired she couldn’t stay away from the computer, and so she began to write. Among her projects is a memoir of her “life with mama,” an intriguing Southern tale of matriarchal power and control displayed in verbal and emotional abuse.  Sherrey is married and lives with husband Bob in Milwaukie, OR. 

You can reach Sherrey on her websites:  Healing by Writing and Found Between the Covers or via email at salice78@comcast.net

Still writing to heal

I've written about writing to heal, I've talked about it in front of groups, and I must say, I'm still doing it. I journal, I write pieces for other websites and here about writing to heal from our tragedies, and I'm still reaping its benefits. I suggest, even if you've never written a word in your life, start journaling. You don't have to show what you write to anyone, so you're free to write down anything you want any way you want. And then you may be surprised. You may want to go public with your writing. Sharing our stories can be very healing to others.

Writing has been part of my life since I was in grade school. However, when my son was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and after his suicide I needed to write down my feelings daily. Writing in my journal became an obsession and a balm. It gave me a way to organize my fears, pain, and thoughts. I had used journaling during an earlier stressful period of my life to rant. So I felt that writing would help me again during what turned out to be the most stressful time of my life.

Early on during my son’s illness I read The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron (Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam, 1992), and her suggestion to write morning pages resonated with me. Because I was employed full-time then, my writing didn’t always take place in the morning, but I always finished my three pages before the end of the day.

Right after Paul died I received a gift of Anne Brener’s book, Mourning & Mitzvah – A Guided Journal for Walking the Mourner’s Path Through Grief to Healing (Jewish Lights Publishing, 1993). It was the only self-help book I even opened, and I was compelled to write an answer to every prompt in the book.

Writing was healing because it helped me put my pain on the page. Instead of carrying it with me every moment of the day and night, I found a place where I could have a little relief. There was so much I couldn’t say out loud to anyone. My husband worried I was having a breakdown even if I cried too much. And since there was so much anger and grief in me, I needed a place to put it.  Writing in those days was like repeating a mantra. I just kept moving my pen across the page. And I wouldn’t let anything get in my way.

I recommend writing or another creative outlet to anyone who is looking for ways to heal. My husband and I also found many diversions – working out, work, movies, plays, opera, reading, traveling – that helped. I also recommend that we take good care of themselves and not let others tell us how long it should take to heal. Everyone needs to express their grief and take time to heal in their own way and own time.

I finally decided to take my journals and other writing and turn them into a book when one of my writing instructors kept telling me to get my story out. And the more he said it and the more the rest of the class agreed, the more empowered I felt. 

However, I didn’t have clue what to do next. Fortunately I met a former literary agent who read my poetry manuscript and suggested I organize my book in the order of the poems. She also gave me writing prompts that helped me round out my material.  

Throughout the writing, the querying, the revising, and even now during the marketing, I have had a village of qualified professionals who have been a huge support. These people have made my writing life so much easier. That was a true gift and the most unexpected result of all.

My memoir is called: Leaving the Hall Light On: A Mother's Memoir of Living with Her Son's Bipolar Disorder and Surviving His Suicide.

It is dedicated to my son Paul who died on September 23, 1999. We especially remember him on his December 31st birthday. This year would be his 41st.