I've written about writing to heal, I've talked about it in front of groups, and I must say, I'm still doing it. I journal, I write pieces for other websites and here about writing to heal from our tragedies, and I'm still reaping its benefits. I suggest, even if you've never written a word in your life, start journaling. You don't have to show what you write to anyone, so you're free to write down anything you want any way you want. And then you may be surprised. You may want to go public with your writing. Sharing our stories can be very healing to others.
Writing
has been part of my life since I was in grade school. However, when my son was
diagnosed with bipolar disorder and after his suicide I needed to write down my
feelings daily. Writing in my journal became an obsession and a balm. It gave
me a way to organize my fears, pain, and thoughts. I had used journaling during
an earlier stressful period of my life to rant. So I felt that writing would
help me again during what turned out to be the most stressful time of my life.
Early on during
my son’s illness I read The Artist’s Way
by Julia Cameron (Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam, 1992), and her suggestion to write
morning pages resonated with me. Because I was employed full-time then, my
writing didn’t always take place in the morning, but I always finished my three
pages before the end of the day.
Right
after Paul died I received a gift of Anne Brener’s book, Mourning & Mitzvah – A Guided Journal for Walking the Mourner’s
Path Through Grief to Healing (Jewish Lights Publishing, 1993). It was the
only self-help book I even opened, and I was compelled to write an answer to
every prompt in the book.
Writing
was healing because it helped me put my pain on the page. Instead of carrying
it with me every moment of the day and night, I found a place where I could
have a little relief. There was so much I couldn’t say out loud to anyone. My
husband worried I was having a breakdown even if I cried too much. And since
there was so much anger and grief in me, I needed a place to put it. Writing in those days was like repeating a
mantra. I just kept moving my pen across the page. And I wouldn’t let anything get
in my way.
I
recommend writing or another creative outlet to anyone who is looking for ways
to heal. My husband and I also found many diversions – working out, work, movies,
plays, opera, reading, traveling – that helped. I also recommend that we take good care of themselves and not let others tell us how long it should
take to heal. Everyone needs to express their grief and take time to heal in
their own way and own time.
I finally
decided to take my journals and other writing and turn them into a book when one
of my writing instructors kept telling me to get my story out. And the more he
said it and the more the rest of the class agreed, the more empowered I felt.
However, I didn’t have clue what to do next. Fortunately I met a former
literary agent who read my poetry manuscript and suggested I organize my book
in the order of the poems. She also gave me writing prompts that helped me round
out my material.
Throughout
the writing, the querying, the revising, and even now during the marketing, I
have had a village of qualified professionals who have been a huge support.
These people have made my writing life so much easier. That was a true gift and
the most unexpected result of all.
My memoir is called: Leaving the Hall Light On: A Mother's Memoir of Living with Her Son's Bipolar Disorder and Surviving His Suicide.
It is dedicated to my son Paul who died on September 23, 1999. We especially remember him on his December 31st birthday. This year would be his 41st.
