Sunday, March 30, 2008

A foot in the door

Life is always a series of choices. I had to make another one this weekend. But it was a good decision to have to make. I got a positive response from the one and only agent I queried, saying she would be happy to read my manuscript. And, I'm totally stoked!

But, one of her conditions is that books she considers must not be under consideration by a publisher. Well, I submitted to a publisher way back in January and still haven't received any feedback. So, rather than gum up the works and have to explain all that to the agent, I decided to withdraw my book from their list of submissions -- unless, of course, they can give me an answer in the next week. I wonder how they’ll react to that. In fact, I wonder if they’ve ever had that happen before. But, I’m sure I’ve made the right decision. In fact, now that I’ve looked at this publisher's books over the last years, my book is definitely not a fit.

Now is the true test. Getting a foot in the door is great. Can I get a seat in the room to negotiate? That's the big question.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Read Eat Pray Love!

Sunday afternoon. I feel like I’ve been living the life of a sloth. I’ve done nothing much else but read and sleep and eat for the last three days and if I keep it up much longer I could definitely make it my way of life.

I finally succumbed and started Eat Pray Love last week – reading the first few pages while on the stairmaster at the gym. But on my off Friday I got through the Eat part and the next day got through the Pray part, and by the end of today I suspect I’ll get through the Love part – the fastest I’ve read through a book in about two years. It’s good to know that I can still wolf a book down – I used to do that all the time – and at the same time, I wish I could savor what’s in this book a bit longer. I love the writing – it’s very personal, and I love the telling of the adventures in each of Italy, India, and Indonesia. But most of all I’m jealous that I didn’t have these kind of adventures as a young woman and write about them myself.

It’s not good enough for me to read and learn about these experiences from a very well written book. I want to have them myself. And because I’m almost 68 years old that is impossible.

Friday, March 21, 2008

March morning

No Grudge Intended

No work today
and I begin with a walk
just before the sun
peeks over the roof tops.
The spring ranunculus and clivia
burst with open-mouth smiles,
the old lady with the cane
says a hearty hello,
and the brawny guy
on the round metal stilts
struts at the end of the pier.
I stop for a tea
sip as I walk home
and hope the bully
at the gym
who yelled and pointed
his finger at me
will get to enjoy this day.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Is it enough already?

Weird and disturbing things have been happening at work. First I had two security infractions for taking my cell phone into a classified room - twice in one day. Then I couldn’t unlock my office door – my first thought was I had been locked out. Then I couldn’t remember my password to get onto our classified system and another remote Livelink system - both on the same day. And I lost my badge. I’ve never lost my badge before. And I caught a cold – being sick is almost unheard of for me. It’s like the universe is telling me something. But, is it really my mind and body telling me it’s enough already? I need a break – a big long break - or else I can't guarantee what will happen next.

Also, I've been working with a Paul look alike - also very disturbing. Here's a poem about it:

The Look Alikes

It happens all the time.
A young guy with a brown book bag
hanging across his chest
crosses the street,
another walks on the beach smoking a cigarette,
and another sits stooped over a cup of coffee
at an outdoor café.
I do a double take.
These guys are so much like my son, Paul,
now gone for years
I feel like I know them
and they know me.

Just the other day
I knew another look-alike instantly.
I could describe his face, look, movements
with the same words
I’d use to describe Paul:
short buzzed hair, growing high off his forehead,
long sideburns,
thick and dark brows and lashes,
a round face,
and, pale, clear skin.
He has a little closed mouth smile,
like Paul’s smirk that showed a hint of a dimple,
he wears Levi jeans slung low on his hips,
and his fingers are long
with straight dark hair growing to one side
on his hands.
This guy is also about 5 feet 8 or 9
and nervous like Paul.
His foot never stops tapping the floor
when he sits down.

That he doesn’t know me makes no sense.
He looks so much like my son
he certainly should.
Instead he gives me no smile,
no friendly hello.
He looks past me,
he moves past me,
and he goes on with his life
without me in it.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Forty-one years

Today is our real anniversary. Forty-one years ago today Bob and I fell in love. Our not so celebrated wedding anniversay is in May. This year it will be 38 years.

I love that Bob is so romantic about this day still -- after all these years. He even went so far as to give me a beautiful Buddha figurine to commemorate the day. That must have been hard for him because he keeps saying we have way too many Buddhas around the house already. Buddhas have become my thing -- I think because I always pictured Paul as a Buddha kind of guy -- wise and quiet and inward. I have Buddhas around me as reminders of him, certainly not because they have any religious meaning for me.

Now I have to figure out what to get Bob that would be as meaningful to him.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Super Tuesday 2

Hilary Clinton came from behind yesterday and won three primaries. When all is said and done, I really want her to win. It’s the feminist in me. I want a woman in the White House. Of course, I don’t want just anyone. I wouldn’t vote for Condeleza Rice on a bet, but I know Hilary would do an excellent job. She may not be as charismatic as her opponent, but I feel she is more experienced and savvy about the needs of our country. He’s an orator and a very good one at that. But, he hasn’t given me any answers that could win me over yet.
It is too bad that both Democratic candidates are doing so well. Perhaps, as the pundits have been suggesting, they will team up and run together. Then the question is who would run for President and who for VP. Now, there’s the rub.
Sorry, I know this wasn't supposed to be a political forum, but I couldn't resist. I really got excited when I saw the Texas numbers turn in Hilary's favor last night.