Wonderful memoir writing advice from Kathy Pooler

Kathleen Pooler was guest here last November and happily agreed to bring her memoir writing wisdom back again. Please welcome Kathleen to Choices. I'm sure you're like me and can't wait to read her memoir once it's launched.

I look forward to your reading Kathleen's six writing tips.

Six Tips for Honoring the Story Within: A Memoir Writer’s Challenge

By Kathleen Pooler

“Your sacred place is where you find yourself again and again.” 

Joseph Campbell

Writing a memoir is hard work.

I know because I have been writing mine for the past four years.

That’s not counting the vignettes I started writing about thirteen years ago and the journaling I’ve done since I was a preteen. But I didn’t get serious about my memoir writer’s journey until 2009 when I started memoir writing workshops and started attending regional and national writing conferences.

It’s very humbling to learn what you don’t know, and when I started out, I knew nothing about writing a memoir. I only knew I had a story inside me I wanted to write about it.

It’s a well-known fact in memoir writing circles that writing a memoir is a daunting task fraught with many challenges, not the least being:

* Excavating painful memories

* Standing in your truth

* Dealing with family members or close friends who may not agree with your      perception of the truth.

All that on top of a market that says you have to be a celebrity to sell your story. Granted, some of this is changing with digital publishing but the fact still remains—getting your memoir into the hands of readers remains a challenge.

The odds of writing a memoir that sells can feel pretty overwhelming.

But readers love stories they can connect with and we all have a story to share.

How can we honor these stories?

Here are six tips I’ve learned to counteract these odds and honor the story within:

Tip #1: Connect with your purpose for writing.

         Be clear about why you want to write your story. Do you want to leave a legacy for your grandchildren or are you determined to seek mainstream publication? Either way is fine. You just need to be clear on your purpose.

Connecting with your purpose for writing the story only you can tell, allows you to have a story to tell.

Tip #2: Put your inner critic in his/her place.

         We all have that nagging voice inside that tells us we can’t write; no one will be interested in our story and who cares anyway? Find a way to silence that voice so you can get on with the work of writing. I wrote out this dialogue with my inner critic which helped me.

Tip #3: Find your authentic voice.

         Keep writing until you find the story that is begging to be told and once you find it, believe in it. I found this to be the most challenging part. Once I started writing vignettes, the story unfolded and took on a life of its own. I found my voice through writing and rewriting.

Tip #4: Commit to excellence in every step of the process.

         Study your craft and seek professional guidance along the way—writing mentors, editors, publishing experts (traditional and self-publishing), marketing experts. You can always do it yourself if you know what is expected in each phase of the process and are sure you can meet these expectations with excellence.

Tip #5: Develop a tough skin:

         Be open to having your work critiqued honestly and constructively by readers and writers you respect. Rejection is part of the process. Figure out a way to get over it and get on with the work at hand. Here are two links about not giving up:

• “Don’t Give Up” Seth Godin’s blog
• “7 Steps for Handling Rejection” on Charlotte Dixon Rain’s blog

 Tip #6: Share your stories openly and often.

         Ask others –besides your family—to be beta readers for your work-in-progress. Joining Joe Bunting’s Story Cartel has been one of the wisest investments I’ve made. I recently sent my work-in-progress memoir to my second round of beta readers as a result of the encouragement received from Joe and other writers in The Story Cartel Course. I also have developed a whole new network of fellow writers and prospective readers. We help promote one another.

Do what it takes to take care of yourself so you can take care of your writing.

Honor the story within. Not only does it deserve to be told, it deserves to shine.

Kathleen's bio

Kathleen Pooler is a writer and a retired Family Nurse Practitioner who is working on a memoir and a sequel about how the power of hope through her faith in God has helped her to transform, heal, and transcend life’s obstacles and disappointments:  domestic abuse, divorce, single parenting, loving, and letting go of an alcoholic son, cancer and heart failure to live a life of joy and contentment. She believes that hope matters and that we are all strengthened and enlightened when we share our stories.

            

She blogs weekly at her Memoir Writer’s Journey blog: http://krpooler.com and can be found on Twitter @kathypooler and on LinkedIn, Google+, Goodreads and Facebook: Kathleen Pooler

            

One of her stories “The Stone on the Shore” is published in the anthology: “The Woman I’ve Become: 37 Women Share Their Journeys From Toxic Relationships to Self-Empowerment” by Pat LaPointe, 2012. Another story: “Choices and Chances” is published in the mini-anthology: “My Gutsy Story” by Sonia Marsh, 2012.

Sherrey Meyer says we're never to old to write

I'm so happy to have Sherrey Meyer back at Choices for a return engagement. I hope you'll revisit her last guest post on June 24. Her words about writing to heal and the memoir writing process are always right on. 

Today she writes about writing into old age, something that I can definitely relate to. That's exactly what I'm doing and I plan to keep writing no matter how old I get. I think that's what keeps me vibrant and happy. 

Please welcome Sherrey back.

Too Old to Write? Proof the Answer is “NO!”

by Sherrey Meyer

Lately I’ve been asked by friends and family what I'm doing with my time in retirement. Since I left my position with a local law firm in 2006, I've spent a lot of time with expensive surgeons who have corrected my eyesight and repaired a lot of bones. I discount those months as paid medical leave (paid by me and my retirement fund) and explain that I'm at last fulfilling a lifelong dream of writing.

The responses I have received are jarring, startling and some even painful:

·      Aren't you too old to be writing a book?  (Excuse me?)

·      At this stage in your life, do you really want to deal with the burden of writing and then publishing a book? (I really love it!)

·      What if no one wants to publish a book by a retired legal secretary? (I beg your pardon?)

·      What do you have to write about? (Stories – lots of stories.)

And the list goes on.  I try to smile and make polite comments. However, I didn't realize there was an age limit on when a person could write a book.

At a workshop I attended last winter, one of the workshop coordinators took a moment to announce a regular attendee was no longer with us. Bill Senstrom, MD, aged 90, had passed away two weeks previously. Bill had attended his first workshop in April 2009, had published a book since then, and was about to finish his second at the time of his death. The February 2013 conference would have been his eighth (conferences are held twice each year).

Let’s do the math: In 2009, Bill Senstrom attended his first conference. That was four years prior to his death in 2013. Our friend Bill didn’t begin writing until he was 86, and he still wrote two books and published one of them!

Bill was obviously not too old to be a writer.

Another example is that of Maris Morton, who won the prestigious CAL Scribe Prize sponsored by Scribe Publications in Australia. At the time, Morton was 72 and her book, A Darker Music, was a debut novel, which went on to become a bestseller. In that year's contest, the oldest participant was 90 years of age with 22 entrants born in the 1920s and 64 in the 1930s.

When asked about writers who worry that if they're not published by age 50 it will never happen, Morton said:

"My advice would be to stop worrying and keep writing, if you really love it. If you don’t, forget it, and take up bridge, or something equally absorbing."

(Source for story and quote.) 

The CAL Scribe Prize limits its contestants to those over 35 years of age intentionally and enjoys sharing information on the range of ages drawn to its competition. You can read more here.

Take a look at this list from Huffington Post of seven famous authors who got a late start:

·      Laura Ingalls Wilder (first published in her mid-sixties)

·      Raymond Chandler (published first novel, The Big Sleep, at 51)

·      Mary Wesley (published children's books in her 50s, but her first novel wasn't published until she was in her early 70s)

·      Harriett Doerr (published her first novel at 73)

·      Richard Adams (wrote and published Watership Down in his early 50s)

·      James A. Michener (published first novel in early 40s)

·      Frank McCourt (also first published in mid-sixties)

Each of these authors wrote into their later years, some into their 90s.

Having looked at this range of ages among writers published decades ago and those publishing today, it is clear that writing has no age specific delineation. If you can write, then write! If you enjoy it, keep doing it every day or at least several times a week. If you don't enjoy it, then as Maris Morton said find something else to do with your time.

Passionate about writing? Ignore the naysayers who question age. Now, go and write!

***

Thanks so much, Sherrey. My sentiments exactly. Writing keeps us young - at least young at heart. I still can't wait to read your memoir. I know it will be wonderful.

Sherrey's bio

A retired legal secretary, Sherrey Meyer grew tired of drafting and revising pleadings and legal documents.  She had always dreamed of writing something else, anything else!  Once she retired she couldn’t stay away from the computer, and so she began to write.  Among her projects is a memoir of her “life with mama,” an intriguing Southern tale of matriarchal power and control displayed in verbal and emotional abuse.  Sherrey is married and lives with husband Bob in Milwaukie, OR. 

You can reach Sherrey on her websites:  Healing by Writing and Found Between the Covers or via email at salice78@comcast.net.

Eleanor Vincent's lessons on finding balance

Eleanor Vincent joined me here on Choices last March 16 for a long interview about writing, grief, and healing. Today she gives us great advice about finding balance between writing and doing the necessary hard work writers need to do to market our books.  I hope all my writing friends will benefit from Eleanor's wise words. She is a great example for all of us.

Author vs. Writer: Finding your Balance

by Eleanor Vincent

"Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony."

Thomas Merton

In our hyper-connected, ping-me-now world, an author’s work is never done. You could spend 24/7 promoting your book and never check off every task.

So how do you keep your writing vital and alive while also promoting a book

Since Dream of Things reissued my memoir, Swimming with Maya, it’s been a whirlwind. And yet, somehow I’ve completed the last chapter of my new book, written several long essays, and a few shorter ones, as well as a raft of blog posts.

While I haven’t found an answer to the balance question, I have stumbled upon a few strategies.

Compartmentalize. I have days when I only write, even if it’s just for an hour, and do no promotional activity. To really write, I need to focus. Facebook posting and composing email blasts create the opposite for me – a state of hyper-alert multitasking that is the polar opposite of deep concentration. If writing makes me happy (or at least content), I prioritize it over marketing and platform building. It helps that my writing group meets monthly, so I have people expecting me to show up with new writing.

Set goals and deadlines. I write my goals for the month in my day planner at the beginning of each month. I now set a daily target of 300 words, a strategy I learned from members of my writing group. I don’t make my target every day, but even if I hit it several times a week, that’s good output. I make dates with myself to write, and do my best to keep them.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. I’ve learned I can’t do or be it all, so my new motto is “good enough.” Today, I’m a good enough author if I do one Facebook post or update my author page on Amazon, or respond to one reader review or email.  I’m juggling so many balls, I’m always in danger of dropping one, so I’ve learned to aim for less than perfection. This makes me a happier person.

Take frequent breaks.  Sometimes, I just have to get out of Dodge. Whether it’s a walk in the Redwoods, a cup of tea at a favorite café, or a weekend away in a beautiful place, I take breaks from my day-to-day routine. Promoting a book takes a tremendous amount of energy, and writing at the same time burns a prodigious number of brain cells, so down time is vital.

Have fun! My dream was always to be a writer. When I was younger, I thought that only men who lived in Manhattan got to do that. Now I know differently. I enjoy saying, “Yes” to my dreams. Being an author – a published writer who does the necessary marketing and platform building – is a great honor. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I remind myself of that.

Balance is elusive. Finding it while promoting your book and writing your next one is a delicate dance. Do it with happy feet!

Thank you, Eleanor. Such good lessons for all writers to follow.

Eleanor's bio

Eleanor Vincent’s memoir, Swimming with Maya: A Mother’s Story, traces the life and death of her 19-year-old daughter and the subsequent donation of Maya’s organs and tissues. Published by Dream of Things, Swimming with Maya portrays a mother’s struggle to recover after a devastating loss and shows how the bonds between donors and recipients can have a positive impact on grief recovery. It was a finalist for the Independent Publisher of the Year Award.

Eleanor’s essays currently appear in At The End of Life: True Stories About How we Die, edited by Lee Gutkind; This I Believe: On Motherhood; and Impact: An Anthology of Short Memoirs. Other work has appeared in The San Francisco Chronicle, The San Jose Mercury News, Five Fingers Review, The Sacramento Bee and other newspapers and magazines. Her essays, poetry and short fiction have appeared in a variety of anthologies, including The Santa Barbara Review, Across the Generations, and The Napa Review.

She is the recipient of a Community Service Award from the California Transplant Donor Network for her outreach work with organ donors and recipients. Eleanor has also been recognized for writing excellence by a Woman of Promise Award from the Feminist Writers’ Guild and a Mary Merrit Henry Award from Mills College, where she received her MFA in Creative Writing in 1995. Eleanor lives in Oakland, California.