I'm not quite ready for the jazz scene yet

Paul playing the piano at home

The last night of our trip to Portland we all decided to go to Tony Starlight’s http://www.tonystarlight.com to listen to jazz. My brother-in-law Tom is heavily involved with the jazz scene in Portland and is the president of the board of the 2011 Portland Jazz Festival. A group of three young men from Switzerland, playing piano, bass, and, drums, performed that night.

Well I’m not sure if attending that show was the wisest decision for me. I hadn’t purposely gone to hear jazz since my son Paul died almost twelve years ago, and once there and listening to the music, all I could do was compare that group to many similar trios Paul used to play – all young men playing avant-garde tunes. However, this music was hard to listen to – quite discordant in a lot of parts, and they played nothing recognizable.

Though Tom compared Paul’s music to theirs, I feel that Paul’s music was much more melodic. He played his riffs on the high notes; they played loud chords mostly in deep dark tones. But no matter whether I liked this music or not, I realized I’m still not ready to listen to jazz. It’s too close to home. Even listening to Paul’s music is hard. No matter how long ago he died, this is not yet a place for me to go. And to have the music be less than enjoyable made it worse.

Listening to Jazz at Tony Starlight’s

After almost twelve years

I went to a jazz club

and all I could do is compare

the music at Tony Starlight’s,

played by the Colin Vallon trio

from Switzerland

to my son Paul’s.

I found theirs, described as

uncommonly sensitive,

discordant. Slow

deep bass repetitive chords,

uncommonly hard to listen to.

Paul would play the high notes,

tinkle out his improvisations

giving his music

a sweet melodic sound.

This trio of three young men,

playing piano, bass, and drums

looked not much different from

Paul’s trios of years ago.

They just weren’t Paul’s trio.

That’s the crux of it all.

Happy Birthday, Dad

Dad with Paul, 1972

Today would be my dad’s birthday. He died in 1975 at the age of seventy-two after a year and half battle with cancer of the bile duct system. Who knows where that came from? He always lived very healthy. He was trim, he was an early advocate of health foods and one of the first health food gurus Gaylord Hauser, he didn’t smoke, and drank only moderately. I always worried a heart attack would take him since he had one at age fifty-seven, probably caused by stress. Perhaps stress was what caused his cancer. He sure had his share of it – from my mother and from major business setbacks toward the end of his life.

He was a quiet guy and kept most of his thoughts and feelings inside. That could have caused his cancer as well. I’ve heard if we let emotions out it’s better for our health.

What I most admire him for was his sense of family – he always protected us and encouraged us. He also was creative. He played the violin as a youngster, and he made sure my siblings and I studied music – we all learned to play piano. Plus he knew about interior design. As a textile salesman and fabric designer he had a wonderful eye for how to furnish our homes. I think I got my love of beauty and music from him.

He also was in love with our son Paul. Unfortunately, my dad died when Paul was three. Paul first tinkled on the piano at my mom and dad’s house, and perhaps he got an early encouragement to learn to play from my dad.

It’s now thirty-six years since he died, and though I don’t think of him often enough, I remember him well.

Happy Birthday, Dad, wherever you are. 

Love, Madeline