Ten ways to reinvent yourself after sixty

I am Naturally Savvy’s Over Sixty Expert, contributing about an article a month at the website. This piece was originally published on March 31, 2013. Please go there to read more of my articles on topics relevant to women over sixty. I love exploring ways for us to keep moving, keep working, keep creating, keep experiencing life to the fullest no matter how old we are.

I first heard of the term reinvention when I entered “More” magazine’s February 2010 Reinvention story contest. My story about how I returned to work outside my home and began to write regularly after the suicide death of my son came in eleventh in the number of votes received out of over 500 entries. With that, the term reinvention became part of my vocabulary. I write about it frequently.

Nora Ephron said it’s good for women to reinvent themselves every ten years. She also said reinvention seems easier for women than for men. And I agree. In fact, seven years after I went back to work full time, I retired and reinvented myself again. I now have a wonderful career as a poet, author, and web journalist – finally doing the work I aspired to do way back in high school and college.

Nora Ephron, one of my heroes 

who left us much too early

Other ways we can reinvent ourselves – some experienced myself; some by people I know.

1. Retire entirely and move to an area of the country geared to the over fifty-five and sixty crowd – then spend your days playing golf or tennis, gardening, painting or other creative outlet, and reading. We have friends who live in Palm Desert, California who love their busy retired social lives. 
2. Move to another country – this is on my list. I very much want to live in Italy for six months to a year. I love the people, food, places that are all easily accessible by train. As soon as I can get my husband to decide to reinvent himself into a real retired person, we’re going.
3. Get a divorce – this is not on my list, but friends got a divorce after a thirty-five year marriage and raising two sons. But the kicker here it that she decided to leave her marriage for a woman. She finally came out as the woman she always was. I understand this happens a lot with women over sixty.
4. Get married – I’m not looking to do this either, but I do know some folks who have or who are getting ready to have a late-in-life marriage. One woman was divorced for a long time, and she recently found her second husband online. And this man is a great catch. Our next-door neighbor whose wife died a couple of years also found a match online. They’ve been together for almost a year, and she just moved in with him. I can hear the faint sounds of wedding bells already.
5. Volunteer – I’ve always gotten so much personal value from volunteering. I suggest doing something you’ve always wanted to do anyway, and I guarantee you won’t mind not being paid. The satisfaction of doing good works is worth way more than the money. And by the way, being a volunteer or an intern is likely to be a stepping-stone to a paying job in the same organization.
6. Care for aging parents – I know someone who left her job, moved in with her mother, and took care of her during her escalating dementia leading to her death. And she ended up writing a wonderful book about it. Sounds like there is always a pony lurking around in our piles of muck.
7. Change your body image – Changing behavior is tantamount to changing your body. Get off of the couch, eat healthy, take a walk, ride your bike, go to the gym to do some weigh-bearing exercises, try some Yoga or Pilates, and drink lots of water. The chips and beer won’t cut it anymore.
8. Become computer and Internet/social network savvy – get a smart phone, learn how to text, look up stuff on Google, join Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Pinterest. You’d be surprised how many over sixty-year olds don’t know the first thing about getting around on the Internet. When I told a woman my age the best way to get her grandson to respond was to text him, she looked at me like I was nuts. But she finally learned, and now he gets back to her.
9. Write a book – journaling, taking writing workshops, going on writing retreats became my therapy after my son’s death, at first never dreaming that I would have the makings of a book. When one of my instructors and classmates encouraged me to get my story out, I finally took the steps needed to put a book together. It took a long time, but in the end I’m glad I did. I reinvented myself from a technical writer and editor to a published author and poet. I couldn’t be happier.
10. Start a website and blog – Believe me that will change your life. You’ll be tied to your deadlines – even if they are self-inflicted, and you’ll always be looking for ideas for interesting things to write about. This blog Choices, my first foray into blogging, has been active since 2007. It is a lot of fun and quite a challenge. Now I write regularly for several other websites, including Naturally Savvy. It is why I can call myself a web journalist.

What a difference a week makes

Actually since my husband Bob started walking just less than a week ago our lives have changed considerably for the better. The scooter has been picked up (its real name is RollerAid by Footsteps), the crutches that were always at the ready on the bottom and top floor landings and the walker that he used for help in hopping in and out of the shower are now in the garage. The only implement still in use is the boot – though at his physical therapist's advice he's even wearing that less and less at home. Walking with the boot causes another malady – an aching back, so the sooner he can walk with a regular pair of shoes the better.  


He’s also been staying at work longer, he’s not reluctant to go out to dinner, and we even went to the movies and opera this past weekend. So, all in all things are definitely looking up – especially since I don't have to bring him his orange juice and paper in the morning. He actually went out the last two mornings and brought the paper in to me. (My only continuing job is being the family driver – and that chore couldn't stop soon enough for me)


Who would have thought a little spill down the stairs would have caused so many weeks of pain and immobility and the need for so many helper implements? My big question now is: should I take the crutches and walker to Good Will now or wait awhile? Really, what would I be waiting for?

In case you've forgotten – this is the best mobility

device ever – the RollerAid (AKA scooter)

http://www.rolleraid.com/

The big "step down" is almost here - I hope!

Next week, we hope my husband's doctor will say it's okay for him to put weight on his healed broken foot. That doesn't mean he's home free. He'll still have to wear the boot, he still won't be able to drive, and he'll have to spend an unknown amount of time in physical therapy. But it's all a step in the right direction (no pun intended), coming not soon enough.

We have both gotten impatient and a little snippy with each other. Seven weeks of his being dependent on me and seven weeks of my serving him have taken a toll. I'm sleeping poorly. I have black and blue arms from all they hits they've taken by my husband's little scooter, and I'm feeling like my creative life has taken a step backward (no pun intended here either).

And I know he'll be glad when he won't have to be a passenger in his own car. Just this morning he was so frustrated when I was being particularly careful about backing the car out of our driveway into oncoming traffic. He wants me to be more agressive. Well, I'd rather be safe than sorry.

So there's your update on our foot adventure. It still goes on. But instead of another photo of Bob on his scooter or my black and blue marks, here's another beautiful beach scene. Just looking at that beach makes everything all right again.

Tsunami Day

One month already

At a formal wedding last Sunday (with scooter)

My husband fell and broke his foot one month ago today. And two weeks ago he had surgery to fuse his bones together with ten stainless steel pins. Now two weeks post op he's feeling healthy again -- his appetite is back, he's free of infection, and his spirits are up. All he needs to do is stay off his foot for another four weeks - for a total of eight weeks. It's a tall order for the patient and his prime caregiver (moi), but we're committed to his complete recovery - so that's what it will take.

I wrote a poem early on about the fall. So in honor of this month anniversary, here it is:

Even A Broken Foot                       

Accidents are just that

Accidents

Yet some can be avoided

like my husband’s the other night.

He walked willy-nilly toward a dark room

that the hotel should have had well lit.

And while groping in the dark

for a light switch

he fell down a short flight of stairs

and was rewarded with immediate pain

in his foot and ankle.

Perhaps a quick application of ice

gave us false hope that it would take

no further care but

elevation, an Ace bandage, and ice.

But more swelling, more pain

indicated x-rays were in order.

The prognosis, a broken foot

not to be walked upon for four to six weeks

Now enclosed in a cast

and crutches prescribed for mobility

there’s whining and demands already.

So I wonder

where it says in the marriage vows

for better or worse

and a broken foot?

There's no whining about a broken foot

I’ve had a lot on my plate for the last week and a half. I haven’t been neglecting my blog, I've just had too much going on. First and foremost, my husband Bob fell down a short flight of stairs last week while we were on vacation in California’s Gold Country. We were there to take in a little history and sip some of the fine zinfandels that flourish in Amador Country. Then we were to go to a zinfandel and food tasting in San Francisco and spend our last two days touring the city – a place we’ve always loved to visit.

Unfortunately his fall and the broken foot that resulted cramped our style. We still tasted some fine zins, but the only touring we got in, in San Francisco was a movie theater where we saw the wonderful “Biutiful” with Javier Bardem. I highly recommend the movie but you don’t have to have a broken foot to enjoy it. We also had a couple of great meals – one with a dear friend whom I met years ago at Esalen.

I had intended to start work immediately upon our return on the final review of my up and coming memoir, Leaving the Hall Light On. Janice, my Lucky Press publisher emailed the galleys to me and I was raring to go, But a series of doctor appointments and chauffeuring assignments made the review very slow going. (Bob broke his right foot making driving on his own impossible.) However, I’m happy to say that as of today I’m just about finished. I want to make one more pass through it to check section breaks and page numbers on the Table of Contents, but I’ve got to brag right now that this is one good looking book. Janice designed it brilliantly, especially in the way she integrated the subject matter into the look and feel of the book.

And that I’m almost finished is a good thing. We have more doctors’ appointments next week prior to Bob’s foot surgery on Thursday. His doctor fears there is so much ligament damage from the break that he’ll have to fuse the small bones in his foot together. If all goes as planned my husband will be walking on crutches or scooting along on his little wheeled cart for at least six more weeks after the surgery.

Right now I’m thinking he needs a driver – someone like Morgan Freeman who drove Miss Daisy around. Having my husband in the passenger seat is trying every last drop of my patience.

I must also whine about one more thing. We had decided to have our floors refinished while we away last week so we wouldn’t have to live with all the dust the sanders create, but like most house projects, the job took longer than planned. When we arrived home last Saturday evening, we could not access the entire third level of our tri-level house – the level where our kitchen and dining room are. And we were told our furniture couldn’t be moved back in until today – one day less than a week from the time we returned home. That necessitated eating all our meals out with hobbling Bob in tow – even if we brought food in we didn’t have a table and chairs where we could enjoy it.

Okay. Enough whining for now. I am so thankful that all Bob broke is his foot. When I saw him crumpled in a heap on the floor I thought hip, leg, knee, head. It could have been anything. Six weeks of an immobile foot we can life with. And I must say, my Bob is the same high spirited guy I’ve always known. Broken foot or not he’s making the best of it – especially with his little scooter. And I assure you, so will I.