Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Ten ways to reinvent yourself after sixty


I am Naturally Savvy’s Over Sixty Expert, contributing about an article a month at the website. This piece was originally published on March 31, 2013. Please go there to read more of my articles on topics relevant to women over sixty. I love exploring ways for us to keep moving, keep working, keep creating, keep experiencing life to the fullest no matter how old we are.

I first heard of the term reinvention when I entered “More” magazine’s February 2010 Reinvention story contest. My story about how I returned to work outside my home and began to write regularly after the suicide death of my son came in eleventh in the number of votes received out of over 500 entries. With that, the term reinvention became part of my vocabulary. I write about it frequently.

Nora Ephron said it’s good for women to reinvent themselves every ten years. She also said reinvention seems easier for women than for men. And I agree. In fact, seven years after I went back to work full time, I retired and reinvented myself again. I now have a wonderful career as a poet, author, and web journalist – finally doing the work I aspired to do way back in high school and college.

Nora Ephron, one of my heroes 
who left us much too early

Other ways we can reinvent ourselves – some experienced myself; some by people I know.
  1. Retire entirely and move to an area of the country geared to the over fifty-five and sixty crowd – then spend your days playing golf or tennis, gardening, painting or other creative outlet, and reading. We have friends who live in Palm Desert, California who love their busy retired social lives. 
  2. Move to another country – this is on my list. I very much want to live in Italy for six months to a year. I love the people, food, places that are all easily accessible by train. As soon as I can get my husband to decide to reinvent himself into a real retired person, we’re going.
  3. Get a divorce – this is not on my list, but friends got a divorce after a thirty-five year marriage and raising two sons. But the kicker here it that she decided to leave her marriage for a woman. She finally came out as the woman she always was. I understand this happens a lot with women over sixty.
  4. Get married – I’m not looking to do this either, but I do know some folks who have or who are getting ready to have a late-in-life marriage. One woman was divorced for a long time, and she recently found her second husband online. And this man is a great catch. Our next-door neighbor whose wife died a couple of years also found a match online. They’ve been together for almost a year, and she just moved in with him. I can hear the faint sounds of wedding bells already.
  5. Volunteer – I’ve always gotten so much personal value from volunteering. I suggest doing something you’ve always wanted to do anyway, and I guarantee you won’t mind not being paid. The satisfaction of doing good works is worth way more than the money. And by the way, being a volunteer or an intern is likely to be a stepping-stone to a paying job in the same organization.
  6. Care for aging parents – I know someone who left her job, moved in with her mother, and took care of her during her escalating dementia leading to her death. And she ended up writing a wonderful book about it. Sounds like there is always a pony lurking around in our piles of muck.
  7. Change your body image – Changing behavior is tantamount to changing your body. Get off of the couch, eat healthy, take a walk, ride your bike, go to the gym to do some weigh-bearing exercises, try some Yoga or Pilates, and drink lots of water. The chips and beer won’t cut it anymore.
  8. Become computer and Internet/social network savvy – get a smart phone, learn how to text, look up stuff on Google, join Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Pinterest. You’d be surprised how many over sixty-year olds don’t know the first thing about getting around on the Internet. When I told a woman my age the best way to get her grandson to respond was to text him, she looked at me like I was nuts. But she finally learned, and now he gets back to her.
  9. Write a book – journaling, taking writing workshops, going on writing retreats became my therapy after my son’s death, at first never dreaming that I would have the makings of a book. When one of my instructors and classmates encouraged me to get my story out, I finally took the steps needed to put a book together. It took a long time, but in the end I’m glad I did. I reinvented myself from a technical writer and editor to a published author and poet. I couldn’t be happier.
  10. Start a website and blog – Believe me that will change your life. You’ll be tied to your deadlines – even if they are self-inflicted, and you’ll always be looking for ideas for interesting things to write about. This blog Choices, my first foray into blogging, has been active since 2007. It is a lot of fun and quite a challenge. Now I write regularly for several other websites, including Naturally Savvy. It is why I can call myself a web journalist.

Monday, July 11, 2011

It's never too late for second chances

I’ve known my friend Pat since the first day our younger son, Ben, walked into his Kindergarten class. Pat was there to drop off her oldest son, Andy, while wheeling her daughter in a stroller. She was young and trim in her white tennis outfit. 

Though Ben probably had the oldest mother of all his classmates, it didn't matter. Pat and I became close dear friends as did Ben and Andy. We lived around the corner, we had dinner at each other’s houses, we celebrated birthdays and special occasions together, and we spent weekends up at her family’s house and/or condo in Bishop and Mammoth Lakes.

Though I played tennis too in those days, I never played at Pat’s level. But our boys took tennis lessons and played in tournaments together – with Pat and me on the sidelines.


Ben and Andy - tournament winners

Pat and Madeline at the tournament

Unfortunately, things weren’t always happy in the house around the corner, and after Pat’s third child married, she decided to end her marriage. And much to my chagrin she moved to Reno to live near her now married daughter. In the intervening years we mostly kept in touch by email.

Just last December Pat told me she was remarrying and then sent out a photo of her and her husband at Christmas time. I had never seen a happier looking Pat in all the years I’d known her. That is until this past Saturday. Bob and I took a less than twenty-four hour trip to Reno to attend a casual party celebrating her marriage at their home. After so many years of unhappiness, this woman now exudes joy. Besides having a wonderful new husband she has six granddaughters.

And she recently took a trip of a lifetime – a thirteen thousand foot jump from an airplane over Lodi, California.

Pat skydiving

Kudos to you Pat. There are second chances for those of us who aren’t willing to give up.