It's not often that I get to meet one of my Facebook friends. But I had the opportunity to meet Victoria Noe last spring when she was in Los Angeles from Chicago - my hometown - and came by to say hello while I was signing books at the LA Times Festival of Books. Since then we have kept in touch on Facebook - especially at the Gutsy Indie Publishers group site.
I'm so glad Viki took me up on my request for guest appearances on Choices during my August and September guest - athon. I'm pleased to introduce Viki Noe to you.
My Moment of Truth as a Writer
by Victoria Noe
This whole journey
of becoming a writer has been fascinating and unpredictable. Without the
inspiration and support of my friend, Delle Chatman, I never would’ve attempted
such a drastic career change. She’s the one who encouraged me and believed in
me. I owe her everything.
We have friends.
They die. We grieve them. But that experience does not always earn the respect
it deserves. And again, I have Delle to thank for that. Her ovarian cancer
fight and subsequent death brought this all together for me.
When I began
writing, I resisted the idea of revealing myself. It was inevitable and
necessary, but it wasn’t easy for me. I preferred to think of myself as a
teacher – with a necessary distance between myself and my readers - not standing
onstage under a spotlight. I didn’t want my writing to be about me, but how
could it not?
What I didn’t
expect, though, was that I would become an advocate. That was ultimately what
forced me to reveal myself in my writing. I’d thought my days of protesting and
questioning authority figures was somewhat in the past. I couldn’t have been
more wrong.
In 2011 I wrote a
freelance article for Chicago’s gay/lesbian paper, Windy City Times. I’ve known the publisher since the 80s and she
asked me to contribute to their year-long “AIDS@30” series. Initially believing
I’d be hard-pressed to remember much from my days as a fundraiser in the AIDS
community, I was shocked that the words flew off my fingertips, fueled by the
anger I still felt. So much hatred, so much fear, and so much of it forgotten.
The most common
response from those who read it – even family members – was “I didn’t know you
went through that. You never talked about it.” Unlike military veterans, those of
us who’d been in the trenches at the height of the AIDS epidemic did not share
war stories. That’s changing now, finally, and I’m pleased to be a tiny part of
it.
I found myself in
NYC, attending my first ACT UP meeting, about the time I published the second
book in my series, Friend Grief and AIDS:Thirty Years of Burying Our Friends. There I met one of my long-ago heroes,
Jim Eigo. We were both going to be in LA later in the month, and at his
invitation, I attended a fundraiser around the Academy Award-nominated
documentary How to Survive A Plague.
Back in NYC a couple months later, I attended a World Science Festival event
about the current state of the epidemic, and met another of my heroes, Peter
Staley.
Like me, many of
the founders of ACT UP have been in a kind of hibernation, a forced step-back
from the activism of old that was so necessary to regain physical and emotional
strength. They’re back: a little older, but no less passionate. And I find that
I am, too. Because now I’m using my writing – the book and freelance articles -
to shine a light on real, life-and-death issues that affect us all.
That reawakened
passion spilled over into the next book in my series, Friend Grief and 9/11: The Forgotten Mourners, coming out in
September. My interviews with survivors from the World Trade Center were
heartbreaking. They’re the lucky ones, right? But their grief has been
dismissed, even officially, because only family members are allowed to attend
and participate in the official observances.
I suspect that
passion will also be evident in the following book, about grieving friends in
the military, since grief and survivor guilt play a role in the epidemic of
military suicides. Activism is a part of me that never really left, but had
been tamped down as I focused my life on other priorities.
One of the things
about being an advocate, about taking a position on a topic, is that you have
to be willing to offend people. There have been moments when I’ve stared at my
computer screen and thought, “Boy, some people are really not going to like
this; in fact, they’re going to hate it.” That was my moment of truth as a
writer: was I willing to go on the record to say what I believed to be true? And
isn’t that the test for all writers – fiction or nonfiction?
I’m still
uncomfortable at times with my writing being about me. But if revealing myself or
taking a stand is the price I have to pay to shine a spotlight on people whose
grief is dismissed as unimportant, well, that’s okay with me.
A few blurbs about about the Friend
Grief series:
Book
1 "It's not like they're
family." Sound familiar? If you're grieving the death of a friend,
you've probably heard that from people who just don't get it. And if it made
you angry, well, you're not alone.
In
the first of a series on grieving the death of a friend, Friend Grief
and Anger: When Your Friend Dies and No One Gives A Damn, you'll meet
people who also struggled after their friend died. And they'll help you answer
the question: "Okay, I'm angry: now what?"
Book
2 It’s been likened to a plague,
but AIDS was never just a health crisis.
The
second of a series on grieving the death of a friend, Friend Grief
and AIDS: Thirty Years of Burying Our Friends, revisits a time when people
with AIDS were also targets of bigotry and discrimination. In stories about
Ryan White, ACT UP, the Names Project, red ribbons and more, you’ll learn why
friends made all the difference: not just caregiving or memorializing, but
changing the way society confronts the medical establishment and government to
demand action
Book
3 “Families only.” Those who
were killed on September 11, 2001 left behind more than family members. They
left thousands of friends who are often forgotten and ignored: co-workers,
first responders, neighbors and survivors who struggle to find a way to grieve
the friends killed when the World Trade Center towers fell. In Friend
Grief and 9/11: The Forgotten Mourners you’ll learn how they adjust to
life without their friends and find ways to honor those they lost on a clear,
blue Tuesday.
Victoria Noi bio
Victoria Noe has been a writer most of her life, but didn’t admit it
until 2009. After earning a Masters from the University of Iowa in Speech &
Dramatic Art, she moved to Chicago, where she worked professionally as a stage
manager, director and administrator, as well as a founding board member of the
League of Chicago Theatres. Her next career was as a professional fundraiser,
raising money for arts, educational and AIDS service organizations. After a
concussion ended a successful sales career, she switched gears to keep a
promise to a friend to write a book. Her freelance articles have appeared
in the Chicago Tribune and Windy City Times. She also
reviews books on BroadwayWorld.com and maintains a blog called Friend Grief. Click to find more information about her books and links to her social media sites. Victoria lives in
Chicago with her family.
8 comments:
Dear Viki,
Having read your first two books in your friendgrief series, I can say ,without a doubt,that revealing your personal thoughts and feelings of friend grief brings it alive. We all lose friends and have experienced 9/11 in varying ways but through Delle's inspiration and your own passion to thoroughly research the topic, you have raised awareness and advanced the cause of acknowledging the grief we all know but haven't known how to deal with. Your books are powerful vehicles of your bigger mission of honoring friend grief. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the story. A worthy mission indeed.
Thanks, Kathy!
It's been a long journey of acceptance, really, to admit and embrace what is apparently my new mission.
Your support is gratefully appreciated!
Thanks so much for being here, Viki. I'm sure my readers will greatly benefit from your writing. Also, thanks Kathy for stopping by.
Viki, your words are moving and poignant. Your journey to the admission and embrace of what you are intended to do is amazing. I haven't read your books but look forward to doing so. Yours is a worthy effort.
So true, Sherrey. Thanks for coming by.
Wonderful work, Viki. Grief and PTSD can do crazy things to the mind and manifest in so many ways that are generally misunderstood by others. My husband and I arrived as new expats in the country on the day of 9/11; we were caught up in the drama in NYC and our families (including my kids) could only confirm that we were alive and well 5 days later. Our story is captured in my memoir: Out of Sync.
Good luck with your campaigns. I'll check out your books.
Thanks, Belinda, I loved Out of Sync. Even though I'm not an expat, I certainly could relate to your story.
Thanks so much for all the kind words! I'm glad my story resonated with you.
Post a Comment