Using exercise to heal

I've worked out almost all of my life. After my son Paul died I became almost obsessive about. It just seemed to help me get through the pain.

Here's another poem that will appear in my memoir, Leaving the Hall Light On http://www.LuckyPress.com/madelinesharples.html. It was one of the first I wrote in Jack Grapes method writing class.

Making It Hard

The bright room is almost full.

All four walls of mirrors reflect women and men

in baggy shorts and sleek black tights.

The music is so loud

the woman in front of me stuffs earplugs in her ears.

Lisa G says, “work from the core;

your workout relates to your real life.”

I want to get on with it.

I don’t come here at 6 a.m. to listen to a lecture.

The neon sign on the wall says “sweat,”

and that’s what I want to do.

The woman behind me complains.

I don’t know her name, but here she is every week

always in the same spot, always complaining, always in black.

Black tights, black sports bra, black thong leotard,

black headband on her head of black hair.

Even her lipstick looks black.

A drill sergeant in baseball cap and high-top aerobic shoes,

Lisa begins her litany.

“If it were easy, everyone would be fit,” she shouts,

“Don’t come here and expect it to be easy.”

She doesn’t know my name. I like it that way.

I like the feeling of being anonymous here.

I don’t know anyone and no one knows me.

No one knows about Paul, that he died

or any other thing about me either.

Being anonymous is a benefit.

It keeps me in shape, calms my mind,

gives me the space to be myself.

It’s a mini-vacation from the horrors of my life.

So I thank Lisa G

for getting me moving,

for making it hard,

for making it hurt,

for showing me how to

trade one pain for another.