Live radio and a rave review

I was thrilled to be interviewed by Cyrus Webb yesterday on his live blog talk show, Conversations LIVE! Radio. We discussed mental illness, suicide, and finding meaning in life after unthinkable tragedy. What I took away from that conversation is the importance of having these conversations – openly and truthfully – without pretense. That these are hard subjects is a given. But we must bring them into the light so that others will benefit. If we say the mental illness and suicide words often enough we will have a chance of erasing stigma. Only then will people begin to acknowledge their illnesses and seek help. Only in that way can we save lives.

I was also most impressed that Cyrus acknowledged his failed suicide attempt almost at the start of our interview. This shows the extent of the honesty in our discussion.

Here’s the interview. Please listen. As my publisher at Dream of Things, Mike O’Mary said: “Could be the most important 20 minutes you spend today.”

And I’m very thankful that Cyrus not only took the time to read my book, Leaving the Hall Light On, he generously posted a five-star review this morning. Here’s the review in its entirety. 

Madeline Sharples' LEAVING THE HALL LIGHT ON Shines A Light on What It Means to Live When Life Isn't Easy, July 3, 2013

By C. A. Webb "Conversations Book Club"

Throughout the challenges that we all face in life are the decisions we sometimes make that can literally change the course of the world for us forever. Sometimes we don't understand or even appreciate how one act can set off a chain reaction that affects everyone around us. In LEAVING THE HALL LIGHT ON Madeline Sharples allows us into her world, how she faced challenges and learned how to press on in spite of it all.

The book was born out of the death of her son Paul, but is a perfect letter of love for the world to see how not only to live in spite of challenges but how not to be defined by them. We are able to see how her son's diagnosis with bipolar disorder affected his attitude about what he could contribute to the world and even gave the illusion that maybe the world was better off without him. What we see through the book is proof of the exact opposite. Madeline shows that by losing her son it was almost as if her own life had no meaning or purpose. Ironically, though, she found where her true calling and purpose would lie: being a source of hope for others. Through this new role she could not only go on in her own life, but show others how they could do the same.

No one wants to go through challenges or difficulties. We don't welcome them, but I was able to see through this book how they help us sometimes become the person we were meant to be---if only we allow them to be true teachable moments. We can grieve, we can hurt, but we have to push forward towards the healing. If we can do that then we can become a source of strength and inspiration for others.

Delivered with passion and fueled by love LEAVING THE HALL LIGHT ON speaks to what it means to live when living isn't always easy.

Southern Writers Magazine Suite T Blog

I was honored to be asked to write a post for the Southern Writers Magazine Suite T blog this week. For those of you who haven't seen it, I've reblogged it here. Please go over and read some other blog posts - actually explore the whole site. It's a wonderful place to promote your book. You even have an opportunity to post an audio excerpt from your book and showcase your book trailer. My audio excerpt is at Take Five and my book trailer is at Must Read TV.  Also find out about guest posting here.

Writing to Heal and Save Lives

By Madeline Sharples

I aspired to be a writer since grade school, and by the time, I was in high school I was determined to be a journalist. Working on the high school newspaper made me even more determined.

As it turned out, I attended the University of Wisconsin School of Journalism and took all the courses necessary for the degree. However, I transferred to the University of California at Los Angeles for my senior year because of a family illness and ended up with a degree in English. I also ended up living in Los Angeles at a time of few opportunities for women in journalism. Even so, almost immediately I was hired to write for a fashion trade magazine in downtown Los Angeles. Unfortunately, I had to quit after three weeks because of a sexually-harassing boss. That was 1962 when there were no laws against such behavior.

I then turned to the aerospace industry. I called the old Douglas Aircraft Company – precursor of Boeing – and asked if they ever hired people with degrees in English. The answer was yes, come on over, and I was hired that afternoon. Thus began a 28-year career as a technical writer and editor, proposal manager, and later, as a web content writer. Instead of the creative writing and journalism career I had aspired to as a young girl, I took creative detours. I painted, sewed, and did needlepoint and quilting. That is until the early 1990s when I started journaling and taking creative writing classes at UCLA Extension.

Little did I know at the time that I would write not only to fulfill my life-long desire but also to heal from the worst tragedy of my life. In 1993, my older son was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, causing him to commit suicide in 1999. As a result, I needed to write. I couldn’t get through the day without writing. Writing helped me put my pain down on the page. It gave me a way to express what I couldn’t say out loud to anyone.

After years of journaling and taking classes, after writing reams of dark poetry and stories about mental illness and suicide, my teachers and classmates convinced me to get my story out, to bring my work out into the light so others with similar tragedies could benefit from it. People need to read your words, they said. But, it took me almost ten years to create a memoir from my mess of journal entries, class assignments, and poems.

Since Leaving the Hall Light On was first published in May 2011 and re-released in paperback and eBook (Dream of Things, 2012), I’ve continued working toward bringing light to the subjects of mental illness and suicide through social networking, volunteering, and writing for several websites. I never dreamed that my son’s death would lead to a new mission in life – to erase the stigma of mental illness and suicide in hopes of saving lives.

Happy rebirthing [via Eleanor Vincent]

[This is a reblog of Eleanor Vincent's post today - by permission]

I’m throwing a party for the rebirth of Swimming with Maya. Thanks to the power of networking, it has a new life as a paperback and eBook.

But in 2010, the future of my book did not look bright. Capital Books, the independent publisher that issued the hardback in 2004, was closing its doors. My beautiful book about raising daughters and rebounding after loss would be pulped.

I tried everything I could think of to sell the remaining hardback copies – and had some success. But even if I sold them all, the book would still slowly fade and die. I considered the Author’s Guild program “Back in Print” that creates print-on-demand books for authors in situations like mine. But I’d have to live with a generic book cover and format, and no marketing support for the book.

Sadly, this story is not uncommon. Small publishers close their doors with alarming frequency. And big publishers – those consolidated megaliths – can arbitrarily dump an author if sales don’t measure up.

In worst-case scenarios, authors get little or no notice. My dear friend Madeline Sharples, author of Leaving the Hall Light On, a courageous tale of resilience and recovery following the suicide of her son Paul, had recently received three days notice that her publisher was closing.

Madeline Sharples

Madeline and I met at a writing workshop at Esalen, just months after Paul’s death in 1999, and instantly connected. Over the years, we saw each other whenever we could, and stayed in touch by phone and email, becoming cheerleaders for each other’s ventures in the world of small publishing.

Madeline reached out to other writers when she learned that her book was about to go out of print. She soon connected with a small press in Chicago called 
Dream of Things that agreed to republish her memoir in paperback and eBook format. She promised to introduce me to the publisher, Mike O’Mary.

At the same time, in the spring of 2012, I had just marked the 20th anniversary of Maya’s death. As I sat under a giant California oak tree just yards from her grave, I got a strong message from Maya: “Mom, I want you to bring back our book.” Maya did not want to be forgotten, and I didn’t want her to be!

As in life, she insisted on her place in the spotlight.

That afternoon at the cemetery I made a promise to my daughter. One way or another, Swimming with Maya would be back.

Maya at age 18

A few days later, I called Madeline.

True to her word, she introduced me to Dream of Things founder Mike O’Mary, and by the fall of 2012 I had a contract. Mike worked tirelessly to reissue the book and in February of 2013, the new version was published.

Madeline and I were both born under the sign of Taurus. (My birthday is May 14, hers is May 20.) We never give up! I was with her in Los Angeles in May of 2011 for the original launch of Leaving the Hall Light On, and she will be with me on Friday, May 17, for the “Rebirthday Party” of Swimming with Maya.

Please join us at 7 pm, May 17, at Studio One Art Center, 365 45th Street, in Oakland. Or come at 5:30 pm, and join the fun at “Bites off Broadway,” showcasing amazing local food trucks, hosted by my friend Karen Hester.

Come celebrate new beginnings in life and in publishing with us!

Eleanor and Madeline

I have to brag

Emma, one of the three founders of the blog Book Geeks Unite, posted this review of Leaving the Hall Light On. It's so awesome, I have to share it.

"Madeline Sharples’ Leaving the Hall Light On chronicles one woman’s challenges, grief and ultimately her healing as she and her family battle one son’s seven-year struggle with bipolar disorder and his untimely death by suicide.   As I was searching for words to describe this book (words usually come easy to me), I could not find them.  What to say about this book?  Where are my words?  Can you say you enjoyed a book about a mother’s grief over her son’s death?  Not just his death, his suicide?  I cannot say I enjoyed reading about her pain.  What I can say is that this book completely engulfed my emotions.   There were several times while reading, I realized I was not breathing.  I had to remind myself to breathe.  I realized that is a sign that I am “in” the book.  The author had somehow allowed me in.  I realized she had written me into her thoughts and emotions and had allowed me access to her experiences.  I realized the images in the book were haunting me…the beautiful little boy, the handsome young man, the beautiful family of four, and then the family of three.  Then, I found my words.  This book is poetic.  It is honest.  It is raw.  It is real.  Mrs. Sharples has, in my opinion, poured her soul, in the form of ink, onto paper and decided to share it with the world.

"If you have ever been touched my bipolar disorder and/or suicide, this book is a must read.  

"If you’ve been touched by any mental illness, this book is a must read.  

"Even if you haven’t been touched by any of these things, this book will empower you to overcome any tragedies you’ll ever endure and inspire you to recover."   ~ Emma

Also please go over to her site, Book Geeks Unite, and enter to win either a signed paperback or an electronic copy (the giveaway ends at 11:00 am PST). And if you've read my book, please write your own review. I'd love to know your thoughts.

Mormon Diaries by Sophia Stone

I am so pleased to tell you about Sophia Stone's wonderfully brave and informative book, Mormon Diaries. I'll provide a brief summary of the book, a few questions and answers, my review and a couple other blurbs, and a brief bio of the author with information on how to contact her. Plus her beautifully creative book video is at the end, so don't go away until you've watched it.

Brief Summary

Brought up in a religious home, Sophia believes the only way to have a forever family is by following church leaders and obediently choosing the right. She goes to the right school, marries the right man in the right place, and does the right thing by staying home to raise her children. But when she starts asking questions about grace, love, and the nature of God, she realizes her spiritual struggles could rip her family apart.

Sophia and I exchanged a few questions and answers about her book and her current struggle. Here's a few that resonated with me.

MS: Your book cover and video are so beautiful. What does the ornament on the cover stand for?

SS: As a child I was taught that the only way I could experience true joy was by living the Gospel of Jesus Christ as found in Mormonism. The ornament is symbolic of that joy. Or, more particularly, what I feared I’d lose if I ever stopped believing in The Church.

MS: Why did you hide your faith struggles from those closest to you?

SS: I was afraid my faithful Mormon family and friends would think me either prideful or influenced by Satan if I admitted to doubting The Church. There’s a common phrase faithful Latter-day Saints use to explain away uncomfortable issues: “The Church is true. The people are not.” Those who leave the church are often labeled as angry, easily offended, prideful, lazy, or deceived. There’s no good reason to doubt, no good reason to question, no good reason to stop believing. Faith yields loyalty and obedience.

MS: This is so hard for me to even fathon. How is your family coping with this? Do they support you?

SS: Well, it depends on what part of my family you’re talking about. My kids have been great, but they’re pretty young. I’m continually amazed by the open mindedness and trust of small children. I really think Jesus knew what he was talking about when he said that unless we become as little children we cannot enter the kingdom of heaven.

My husband, on the other hand, is having a really hard time. We’ve had to do some negotiating about the kid’s religious education. He wants them to believe in Mormonism and is very much attached to the outcome. The thought of his kids choosing to leave the LDS church is absolutely devastating to him.

There are certain things that (for him) are non-negotiable. The kids WILL get baptized at age eight whether I want that for them or not. The kids will continue to go to the Mormon church each Sunday until they turn twelve. (He’d said eighteen originally, but has since softened). 10% of his income will continue to go to The Church whether or not I agree with that particular donation. We’re a single income family so that’s a pretty big deal, but he’s frightened, truly frightened that if he stops paying a full tithe, he’ll lose his job.

Although, in fairness, he says it has nothing to do with fear. Rather, he has faith in the principle of tithing. God will bless him for his financial sacrifice.

As for the rest of the family, my mother is struggling, the brother just younger than me acts as if he doesn’t know, my older brother has been accepting, and my sister is unpredictable. I’m not even sure how to characterize that relationship at this point. So overall it’s been a mixed bag where tolerance is concerned. As for support—no, I do not have family support. Nor is it something I can reasonably expect.

MS: How has your change in beliefs affected your marriage and children?

SS: I think it has benefited my children in a number of ways. First, by showing them that goodness isn’t based on legalistic rules, they are more accepting of themselves and others. Second, by helping them see that there isn’t one right way to be a decent human being, they are able to think the best of people. Third, by opening up to other ideas and spiritual philosophies, they are more open as well.

As for my marriage, my change in beliefs has brought to light problems I’d been ignoring for years. Things having to do with power dynamics, issues with inflexibility, and some fundamental disagreements in parenting styles between my husband and me. My marriage has suffered and I worry about it often. But I also know that without the insights I have now, the relationship would continue to grow more unbalanced and necessary change would never occur.

I’m crossing my fingers and holding out hope in the marriage department.

MS: How has writing about your struggles helped you? I know it helped me while I was writing my memoir.

SS: There’s a saying that writing is cheaper than therapy, and I can attest to that. There’s no time limit on how long I can type away on my keyboard when I’m having a bad day. I don’t have to worry about the paper judging me. Plus, it’s helped me to put things in perspective.  

MS: I can certainly relate to that. A keyboard is a great place to rant. So, one last question. Who should read your book?

SS: Anyone who wants to better understand how religions indoctrinate children, how they can unite and separate families, how they can bring peace and turmoil at the same time. Anyone who wants a more personal understanding of how it feels to grow up in a legalistic religion that values trust and obedience more highly than free thought, or anyone who wants to understand Mormonism.

Please don’t misread that to mean my book is factually perfect. It’s not. It is based on my experience, and everyone’s reality is different. But I stand by my claim that people who leave Mormonism are often in an isolating place. It’s hard for an orthodox believer to understand why anyone would leave. It’s hard for those who’ve never been in a fundamentalist religion to understand why leaving one is such a big deal. To both these groups, I’d say, “please read this!” Understanding is vital.

MS: Thanks so much, Sophia. Now on to my review.

Soul Searching with Grace 

Author Sophia Stone has created a powerful piece. Written with elegance and grace, I found Stone’s story compelling and very informative for this reader. I am a complete novice about anything Mormon.

I think the heart of this book is the author’s struggle with her identity as a woman. She writes that she has been itchy about being a Mormon most of her life – never understanding the plausibility of the priests’ teachings and why she or other girls cannot be Deacons in the church like the boys. She wanted to share the honor with her brothers who became Deacons at age twelve. Later on she resents her husband’s role as a priest. He is charged with power in the church. He can lay his hands on her and other’s heads to heal them while she and the other women in the church are only meant to take care of their own homes and families.

Stone shares how tired she is of the way the church leaders justify their treatment of women. They say it’s because they love women so much they don’t want them to be burdened with other work.

Now four young children later, Stone feels more ill at ease with her Mormonism and her role within the church than ever. And she has so much to lose in writing down these very personal thoughts and feelings (her husband, her children, her friends, her family, her church, and her entire way of life).

And what I want to know is how all this turmoil going on in her life and heart will turn out. Will author Stone stay in her marriage, will she join another church, will she continue to be a role model for her children? I also wonder how different Stone’s experience in being a Mormon woman is from that of women Muslims and Orthodox Jews who also must be obedient to the will of their religious male masters and husbands.

I recommend this book for anyone who has struggled with his or her religious upbringing or for anyone just wanting to know about the Mormon Church. Stone has written a brave book that will inspire you to look within yourself as well.—Madeline Sharples, author of Leaving the Hall Light On

A Couple Other Reviews

“Sophia Stone has a fine eye and a searching heart. Her story of growing up in and reaching through her Mormonism for a deeper, more authentic spirituality reflects all the ways that religion can both keep us satisfied easy answers and push us to more difficult and complicated realizations. We need a hundred more books like this one . . . “ –Joanna Brooks, author of The Book of Mormon Girl

“Sophia Stone captured my attention from the beginning. This collection of personal essays, about questioning the legitimacy of Mormonism after having faith in the religion for the first 30-something years of her life, is not just a controversial quake to a reader’s heart and soul. Stone’s voice is brave, bold and intriguing. And surprisingly relatable to someone who is not religious.”—Jessica Bell, author of String Bridge

About Author Sophia Stone

Seeker. Learner. Reader. Nature Lover. If you're on twitter, you can ask me any question about Mormonism. I give straight answers. I don't spin. My twitter address is @ask_a_mormon

Please also view the haunting and heartfelt Mormon Diaries book video. You'll definitely be encouraged to read the book afterward.