Right now I’m so glad that I decided not to leave my job and retire like I wrote about wanting to do early on in this blog. With Kenny’s death my life needs focus all the more. It needs more filling up. Take yesterday for example. I worked out, I went to work, I went to Pilates at noon, and then after dinner I went to a tennis class. So, by the end of the day, I was tired enough to sleep and not think about what my life has been like for the past few weeks. Keeping busy has a way of masking (though never erasing) the grief and sadness and the bad memories and the tears that still seem to come with just the tiniest tweak of memory. It would have been so easy to throw in the towel at work and give up. But what would I have done instead? And how would I have been able to cope with all that awful stuff without my full-time job crutch?
I haven’t been very busy lately, but that will all change after tomorrow when I start to get involved in my new temporary assignment in Customer Relations. I’ll also have an opportunity to learn something new. That is always attractive to me. I’ll have new goals and new people to work with. Definitely a very healthy situation – or least an opportunity to be a healthy situation. No matter what, I won’t be bored, and I won’t have time to dredge up all those bad memories that make me cry.