Poetry Pact Blogfest - About family feuds

I’ve been surrounded by family feuds almost all my life. My father never spoke to two of his brother-in-laws, and he refused to talk about it or respond to my mother’s pleas to make amends with his enemies. There were reasons, there were always reasons, mostly having to do with money and business. These family feuds caused a lot of strain and crying in our family. My mother had to see her brothers and their families on her own, and that wasn’t easy in the 1950s and 1960s when she couldn’t even drive a car. Sometimes my dad would drive her to see them and sit outside with a tightly shut mouth and his arms tightly folded across his chest until she was through visiting.

Later on in my generation, my brother’s wife decided she didn’t want to speak to me for while. I never knew why, and thankfully we’ve kissed and made up. She also stopped speaking to her sister for a time as well. My brother didn’t speak to his brother-in-law either.

I never could understand that kind of behavior. We’re on this planet for too short a time. These people must not get that, or they think maybe they’ll get a second chance to be real human beings. But I know that’s not true. My favorite uncle died when I was nine and as much as I daydreamed about him coming back, of course he never did. After the death of my son, I tried magical thinking again, but as we all know, it doesn’t work.

With all the fragility of life, I wonder why people are so mean to each other. We’re here once, so it’s important to make a real effort to get along – especially with family.  

Thankfully my sister and I both feel the same way. She is my baby sister, nine years younger than I. However, we are very close.

My baby sister Sheila and me

We've talked about the family feuds, and we made a pact several years ago that we’ll always be there for each other no matter what – unimaginable good or bad – things happen. We will always be together as sisters.  The thought of never speaking with each other again appalls us. 

Speaking, sharing, loving, visiting, hugging, caring for each other if needed – that’s what being sisters is all about.

New traditions for our 2011 holidays

Now that I’ve ordered our Thanksgiving turkey, I’ve started to think about the holidays. They are always hard for me since we don’t have Paul with us, but this year’s Thanksgiving will be different and I suspect very wonderful. We’re sharing it with our daughter-in-law Marissa’s family. Everyone will come to our house and bring their Thanksgiving specialty dish to share. I’m the turkey, gravy, stuffing, and cranberries person. The rest is up to our ten guests. I can’t wait to try some new foods, get to know my new family better, and perhaps start a new Thanksgiving tradition.

A friend of mine recently sent me this piece about ways to change our holiday gift giving traditions. I think there are a lot of good ideas here. If you agree, please share them with your family and friends. Maybe we can show we care about each other in a whole new way this year.

The Holidays 2011 -- Birth of a New Tradition

As the holidays approach, the giant Asian factories are kicking into high
gear to provide Americans with monstrous piles of cheaply produced goods -
merchandise that has been produced at the expense of American labor. This
year will be different. This year Americans will give the gift of genuine
concern for other Americans. There is no longer an excuse that, at gift
giving time, nothing can be found that is produced by American hands. Yes
there is! It's time to think outside the box, people. Who says a gift needs to fit in
a shirt box, wrapped in Chinese produced wrapping paper?  

Everyone - yes EVERYONE gets a hair cut. How about gift certificates from your local American hair salon or barber?

Gym membership? It's appropriate for all those who are thinking about some
health improvement.

Who wouldn't appreciate getting their car detailed? Small, American owned
detail shops and car washes would love to sell you a gift certificate or a
book of gift certificates.

Are you one of those extravagant givers who think nothing of plunking down
the Benjamins on a Chinese made flat-screen? Perhaps that grateful gift
receiver would like his driveway sealed, or lawn mowed for the summer, or
driveway plowed all winter, or games at the local golf course.

There are a bazillion owner-run restaurants - all offering gift
certificates. And, if your intended isn't the fancy eatery sort, what about
a half dozen breakfasts at the local breakfast joint. Remember, folks this
isn't about big National chains -- this is about supporting your home town
Americans with their financial lives on the line to keep their doors open.

How many people couldn't use an oil change for their car, truck or
motorcycle, done at a shop run by the American working guy?

Thinking about a heartfelt gift for Mom? Mom would LOVE the services of a
local cleaning lady for a day.

My computer could use a tune-up, and I KNOW I can find some young guy who is struggling to get his repair business up and running.

OK, you were looking for something more personal. Local crafts people spin
their own wool and knit them into scarves. They make jewelry, and pottery
and beautiful wooden boxes.

Plan your holiday outings at local, owner operated restaurants and leave
your server a nice tip. And, how about going out to see a play or ballet at
your hometown theatre?

Musicians need love too, so find a venue showcasing local bands.

Honestly, do you REALLY need to buy another ten thousand Chinese
lights for the house when you buy a five-dollar string of lights, about
fifty cents stays in the community? If you have those kinds of bucks to
burn, leave the mailman, trash guy or babysitter a nice BIG tip.

You see, The holidays are no longer about draining American pockets so that
China can build another glittering city. The holidays are now about caring about
the U.S., encouraging American small businesses to keep plugging away to follow their dreams. And, when we care about other Americans, we care about our communities, and the benefits come back to us in ways we couldn't imagine.

THIS is the new American holidays tradition.

Please share this to everyone on your mailing list -- post it to discussion
groups -- throw up a post on Craigslist in the Rants and Raves section in
your city -- send it to the editor of your local paper and radio stations,
and TV news departments. This is a revolution of caring about each other,
and isn't that what the holidays are about?

Family Ties

I'm looking forward to my sister's visit this weekend. She lives in the northwest, and we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like, but she does come once in while especially to visit her daughter who lives near me. 


Sheila and I are nine years apart in age. She always says, "I'm the baby." I expect I'll be hearing that when I'm 99 and she's 90. But, it's all good. When she was born I got to help take care of her. It was like playing with a real live baby doll. And of course as we grew up, she and I became closer and closer - except geographically - because our age difference didn't matter anymore.


This weekend we're having a girl's night out to see "So You Think You Can Dance" with her daughter and our cousin. I've never seen the show but Sheila says it will be terrific. (I'll let you know what I think next week.)


Here's Sheila.

The Baby

The Sibs, Madeline, Sheila, and Kenny - 

a couple years before Kenny died in 2008.

My role model

Here is my Aunt Helen, age 94. Isn't she beautiful? She's always been my role model. I love her energy and her calm demeanor. And in her youth she looked like Hedy Lamar.

Aunt Helen with two of her greats 

at the family wedding we attended last weekend in San Diego.