2007 -- not the best of years, and not the worst

I think the thing I feel the most accomplished about this year was the work I did on my book. I hired a writing coach last January who read the book chapter by chapter. We either met in person or by phone to discuss her notes and then I incorporated them. My goal was to get finished by the end of August so I could submit the completed and reworked draft with my application to the UCLA extension memoir master’s program, and even though I wasn’t admitted I was encouraged by the instructor to begin submitting the book to agents.
Rather than do that right away, I asked my coach to reread the book front to back. That process has just been completed. In the next week or so, I’ll make some necessary changes and get the book ready for other submissions: to a publishing house specializing in women’s literature that is having open submissions during the month of January, and to several agents. I’m just going to have to bite the bullet and take my chances. Otherwise, I’ll never know. It will be a good way to get feedback. I could back track and get someone else to read it with a critical eye, but I don’t think I want to do that just yet. If I don’t get any encouraging responses from the January submissions then I’ll see about another read through.

A day of writer's woes

Yesterday could be called a writer’s day of hell. I was so optimistic when it started – raring to get going on my to do list, and by the time it was over I felt like I never wanted to write another word again.
I started out by sending four emails to people I thought could help me find an agent for my memoir – three former teachers and a friend who’s published quite a bit. I heard from two of teachers almost immediately. One said she couldn’t recommend an agent because the five she’s sent her new memoir to have all turned it down. An ominous sign I must say. The second responder who has always been so helpful in the past has gone so far up the food chain in the business of books that he couldn’t recommend without a conflict of interest. The other two haven’t responded yet.
Then I decided to get some poems ready for a chapbook submission. I chose Pudding House recommended by my cousin, Larry. What was intriguing about this group is they accept submissions all the time and usually respond within one day. Their format requirements are strict – no page breaks or page numbers, no formatting of any kind, Time New Roman 11 point font, and everything in one down-loadable file. I took my poetry manuscript and first edited out several poems, added one, and chose a title – Aftermath – and cleared away all the page breaks. I had an updated manuscript ready to go in just about an hour, and I sent it off with the promise of calling in my $12 reading fee as soon as I clicked the send button. That took a couple of tries and finally I spoke directly to the editor – who sounded real friendly. She also assured me I’d hear from her very quickly. I guess she didn’t have much else to do yesterday.
Well, quickly was quite an understatement. It took her just about an hour – maybe less – to read through my document of over 20 poems and decide it wasn’t right for her press, and she noted she gave it “serious” consideration. Less than an hour to look at 20 poems doesn’t seem like serious consideration to me. I wonder if that’s just her way to rip off poor, anxious writers of their measly $12.00. When I got that response just before going to bed last night I wanted to cry.

To dos for the week

So, now that Hanukah and Christmas are over on to what I need to do to make the best use of my week away from work. First submit to poetry journals and contests. Second, work at finding an agent for my memoir – write letters to anyone I can think of who may have an in with an agent. Third, meet with my writing coach and work on any necessary changes to my manuscript. Fouth, decide if I need to have someone else read through the manuscript. Fifth, get the manuscript ready for the Kore Press open submission.
Besides all that I have a list of more movies to see. Today’s movie, Charlie Wilson's War, was great. Aaron Sorkin is a real master.
The other movies on my list are Atonement, Savages, Sweeny Todd, and the Great Debaters. I don’t know if I enough nights left in the week to see them all.
Needless to say, I don't know the meaning of the word, RELAX!!!!

Go see "Juno"

We saw “Juno” last night. It’s about a 16 year old who gets pregnant and gives the baby up for adoption. The script and the musical score are terrific. So different, so out there. This 16-year old is mature beyond her years – she even says she is handling things way above her maturity level in the movie. Also, the young actress who plays the lead role is so beautiful. Needless to say I was very taken -- and very much amused at times.

Another item for my bucket list

If you've been reading my blog you'll know I've been jotting down things I want to do before I die. I've called it a bucket list -- like the movie.
Yesterday I experienced Elizabeth's conversion ceremony in the University of Jusaism's Mikveh (AKA Jewish spa) -- an event pack-filled with beauty, love and spirituality.
I felt enormous joy in being there with Elizabeth at such a meaningful time in her life. I take great pride in being her friend – a friend across generations – and as she says, her mum in LA. She is so warm and loving and open that it’s a pleasure talking to and being with her. I really feel like her mentor and confidant – something so very special.
For the ritual she needed to completely immerse herself in the water three times and not touching anything – even her hands couldn’t touch each other. In between each dunk she said a prayer. At the end each of the Rabbis made a blessing, the cantor sang, and each of the witnesses said something. That part wasn't mandatory, but we all wanted to anyway. The women could actually watch the proceedings, but the men who were in the rooom had to stand behind a curtain with their backs to the curtain. They were witnesses to the sound of her dunking in the water. After we left the Mikveh area, she could stay alone for as long as she wanted.
Bottom line, I found it moving enough to want to experience it. It’s not the negative thing that the Orthodox Jews used to use it for – cleansing after women's unclean times -- e.g., after menstrual periods -- and preparing women to be Orthodox Jewish wives. Now, as a result of the feminist movement, women use it to commemorate all kinds of events -– deaths, births, anniversaries, as a way to regroup, re-focus, attain calm, and find new prospectives –- it would have been a calming and purifying thing to do after my son, Paul died. And, it's not too late. Perhaps Elizabeth will share the experience with me.
So, getting in a Mikveh is a new item on my bucket list.

A bad way to start the day

Any day that starts off with a mammogram has got to be bad. There is just no getting around it. From the time the technician called me into the little room with the breast crusher I was angry, and I think she was too. She barely said anything to me except stand straight, lower your shoulder, look toward me, look away from me. Take your right arm out of the gown. Take your left arm out of the gown. And when I complained that it hurt she asked if it felt like it was pulling from above. I said, no, it was pulling from below. So much so, that the underside of my right breast was red and sore when I was finished. Why is that that once she got me all in place and locked in she had turn the crank one extra turn before she took the x-ray? Was she afraid that I would somehow get out of her vice? No chance. I was already in there so tight I couldn’t move.
And, what’s the deal with her attitude. I keep hoping every year that someone else a little more pleasant will be there. But no. She’s always there. What did I ever do to hurt her? She’s the one doing the hurting. Maybe that’s it. She doesn’t like her job. And if that’s the truth I wouldn’t blame her. Can you imagine squeezing women’s breasts into that torture machine all day long?
The other thing she asks me every year is if I’m on hormones. And I always get the feeling that she disapproves that I am. If I continue to have normal breast exams why does it concern her? I would think that’s an issue between me and my gynecologist and my internist. I’m on a low dosage and have started to take them less days a week, but I’m not about to stop cold turkey. Some of my friends did when the Women’s Health Initiative came out with the news that HRT caused heart disease in women. But, my gynecologist was wary of the results and so was I. It only tested women over 65 who had never taken hormones before, not us younger women who started hormones with the onset of menopause, so we decided that the results weren’t pertinent to me. As is turns out, we were right.

My obsession with steps

My gym, the Spectrum Club, introduced a program called Health Miles a little over a year ago. I joined last January and have been wearing a pedometer at almost every waking hour ever since. Right now, at 4:30 in the afternoon, my pedometer says that I’ve done 16,192 steps today since I got up at 4:50 am. This is a little more than usual. Most days I amass between 12,000 and 15,000 steps – that’s enough already! But today I walked over to my company’s cafeteria for lunch, and a round trip there from my office is another 4,000.
The point of the program is to get in shape while earning money and other benefits, and if one earns the maximum miles (steps and bio measurements and fitness assessments and activity logging all get transferred into miles) – 36,000 within a year -- he/she can earn $250.00 worth of gift cards, various t-shirts, a gym bag and water bottle, and 12 hours worth of private training sessions – over $1,400 worth of stuff. And, you guessed it, I’ve earned all that and am still pushing on. Right now I have over 42,000 miles logged in with over a month to go. Also, throughout the year, Health Miles sponsors several challenges giving participants the opportunity to win even more money and prizes.
So what’s the point of all this? I’ve challenged myself further and further this year – at first I was satisfied with 9,000 steps a day, then 10,000, then 12,000, and now I’m not happy unless it’s 15,000. And mostly I don’t feel the worse for wear. Yet, this morning when my alarm went off, I really could have stayed right there in bed and left the pedometer on the bathroom counter where it resides every night. Up until I joined Health Miles I was content to workout five days a week. Now, I do some form of exercise – whether it’s at the gym or a walk to the beach – every day. And that has been going on for almost a year.
So, I’m headed for another choice. When my year of Health Miles is up in January do I re-up or do I go back to a more relaxing exercise regimen? After all, I keep reminding myself, I can be a little easier on myself. I know that I won’t ever give up exercising as long as I can walk, but I don’t have to be so obsessed about it.
Another thing that’s been nagging at me is how I can get other people in my age group to become or stay fit. I’ve thought about becoming a trainer for only older people – I think the need is there – yet, taking the training course is very daunting. And where could I get hired? What gym would want to hire an old lady when there are so many beautiful young people out there already?